Squirrels going nuts - terror ensues :: Wessex Scene Online

Squirrels going nuts - terror ensues

16th May 2006
Charlotte Ward

Rate this story

Nov 06 - News in Brief: Weather controlled by squirrels........
Apr 06 - A fat pet problem
May 06 - The BIG interview
May 06 - A view from the Tower
May 06 - Scientology… in the closet?

More by Charlotte Ward

May 07 - Spankolinists keep winning on the bounce
Feb 07 - Album Review: The Shins
Feb 07 - Trampolining bounce to glory
Feb 07 - Two Minute Hate....
Feb 07 - Album Review: Willy Mason

Southampton University students are being warned that a rising number of ‘mad’ squirrels could affect their safety travelling along Lovers Lane from Highfield Campus to the Avenue. One student, who wished to remain anonymous, was recently forced to miss an entire week’s worth of nine o’clock lectures due to a squirrel attack.

The terrified first year agreed to talk to the Wessex Scene about his ordeal. "It was horrible, I was on my way to hand in my coursework and this thing jumped off a tree branch and onto my head, now I find myself scared to return to lectures. It was difficult for me to even come here to talk to you but, well, I just feel that others must be warned before the same thing happens to them," he said.

Sadly tales like this one are becoming less and less uncommon. But why? A local scientist, Professor Bean, believes that it is in fact the female of the species that are more deadly than the male. With less male squirrels to fulfil their sexual desires and an extreme shortage of nuts after the harsh winter they are experiencing a sort of ravenous dementia; although it as yet unclear whether it is for food or male company they are most suffering from a lack of. Bean believes that the best way to tackle the problem is to either transport food and potential mates in, or somehow force the females out. "In the most extreme circumstance it may be necessary to neuter them, but that really would be the last resort."

For now the message is to stay indoors. If you do decide to travel to the Avenue along this route then take a friend and try to travel after midday when the hairy rodents are likely to be less active. If the warning signs of a cat-like hissing sound are heard or scurrying feet which cannot be seen, try to remain calm and increase walking speed so as to quickly pass through the area. There will hopefully be an anti-squirrel agent available in shops some time next term but until either then, or when a more permanent solution can be found, be careful.