Christmas Songs and... :: Wessex Scene Online

Christmas Songs and...

4th December 2007
Nicholas Brown

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Dec 07 - Christmas Adverts!
Nov 07 - The 60 Days of Christmas
Feb 07 - Cancel Christmas
Jan 07 - All you ever needed to know about Christmas
Feb 06 - How was your Christmas then?

More by Nicholas Brown

Oct 08 - Tropic Thunder
Sep 08 - How To Lose Friends and Alienate People
Mar 08 - Man - A History of Manliness
Jan 08 - Happy New Year!
Nov 07 - When Nick met Joe

If there’s one thing that really symbolizes the arrival of Christmas it’s the sudden aural intrusion of Christmas-themed music piped out of every speakered orifice.

Every shop, every garage, every radio station, every TV advert; it’s a month long megamix of jingley bells, tinkley pianos and shameful lyrics.

The pinnacle of Christmas pop songs is of course the 1973 Christmas #1 – ‘Merry Xmas Everyone’ by those minstrels of glam rock, Slade. Frequently belted out by groups of drunken men, nothing quite encapsulates the wonderfully garish yet oxymoronically dreary sense of the British Christmas. As Noddy belts out "It’s Chriiiiiiiistmas!" all I can think of is that horrible drunk/bloated feeling and the eternal dark drizzle that encapsulates December. "It’s only just be-gu-uu-uun!" sing Slade, like some prophetic threat..

As I walk from shop to shop all I can hear is Shakin’ Stevens proclaiming it’s the season, presumably for love and understanding, while Cliff Richard warbles on about children singing Christian rhyme or some other religious nonsense. From behind, what’s that?

Do they know it’s Christmas? Well if they don’t then they’ve had their fingers firmly in their ears for the past 22 or so years. Fittingly, the song is as fun as ripping off a Band Aid. Oh gosh Bono, yes I do thank God that it’s them instead of me, but that kind of attitude isn’t going to feed the world now, is it?

And while I buy my finest gifts (pa rum pum pum pum) I can’t help feel like topping myself (pa rum pum pum pum) I’m certainly not rocking around any Christmas trees (pa rum pum pum pum). And I can dream of a White Christmas all I want, but all that we actually get is that black ice and slush which kills numerous drunk drivers each year. Why remind us of that? You’re a jerk, Bing Crosby.

Even DFS, who rarely, if ever, have any kind of sale, let alone advertising, have stooped to using Mariah Carey’s ‘All I want for Christmas is You’ to hawk their wares. For shame, DFS, for shame, your four years free credit and first year’s payment free used to be so classy. And according to Argos it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Thanks for reminding me, or I’d never have known when to start shopping, sorry I mean argossing.