By the time I got it over the 200m from the Hauptbahnhof to the hostel the thing had holes in it and was leaving a trail of earrings, paperclips and staples on the road.

A serious deficit in Euros meant I had to book out the cheapest room available, so was bunking with 7 mixed-gender randomers, all of whom turned out to be men and were seemingly incapable of putting the toilet seat down.

Went to sleep fully clothed to evade getting perved on by the room full of hulking men. Slept with my eye mask to avoid catching sight of the hairy leg dangling down from the bunk above me and tried to focus on planning a constructive day, blitzing my way through flat viewings and uni enrolments.

Rode the U-Bahn to the uni not knowing whether who or what I was suppose to give my fare to, so just didn’t bother. Quite possibly my first illegality on German soil. Was I to be arrested?

Arrived at the Uni without getting snatched by the burly Polizei. Was told in an efficient combination of English and German that Ms Bauer* had her office hours midweek only.

"You must come back am Dienstag."

"But I’d like to discuss some things, like how to find somewhere to live. Living in a hostel is not great.

"Ah, but der Jungerherberge ist not so bad, many student live in there for some weeks while they are finding eine Wohung. You will come back on Tueday, Ja."

There was no reasoning with her so I skulked off to a café where I promptly broke down and wailed like a three-year-old. Tearfully rang home to tell them I was coming back to England.

"Oh Maz, take a breath, I can’t hear you for all the howling. You’re booking a flight back, hmmm. Because today you can’t register. No, I’m not trying to be patronising, I’m just telling you how it is. Maz, you seem to have forgotten about Vanja* who’s renting you room out. Look, don’t you be getting all hysterical…. Of course you can’t just chuck her out, she’s studying too. Shush, shush. I’m here, I’m here O.K. Listen, I have an idea…" Pip, the line went dead. My credit had finished. I really was devastated and did some more wailing.

By this time the racket I was making had caused a bit of a stir. People had begun to stare and whisper. Finally a girl came over, smiled and introduced herself as Birgitta*. "Hallo, vots up? You vant ein tissue? Here."

"Hi, (gulp) well I’m from England (gulp). I’m here on my own and don’t have anywhere to live (gulp) and nobody will see me at the uni (gulp)."

"Oh, das ist nicht so gut, but many exchange students stay in hostel for many days before der classes begin.

"Yeah, I’ve been told."

"Here is meine Telefonnummer, if you feel like cry, you ring me, O.K"

So I had managed to blag my first phone number.

O.K so sightseeing and museums was the plan. I’m a geek, I love museums. Trundled out determined to get to know the city that I’d be stuck in for months on end. Sure Frankfurt is the financial capital of Europe, but do they have culture?

Turns out that they do. Places such as the Architektur Museum (self-explanatory), Deutsches Filmmuseum (self-explanatory) and the Städel-Museum (fine art).

Went to a few and discovered that it’s not like London; you have to pay for your culture here. Ended the day full of new and exciting things to think about, but completely pauperised.

Skint. Bored. Lonely.

Registration day! Can finally stop being morose and anti-social.

What! I had to shell out 214 Euros - I’ve already paid my tuition fees, thank you very much! Apparently the fee is to pay for the Studienausweis that includes a travel pass which covers almost the whole region. Still, it wasn’t enough to stop me from being pessimistic about my whole situation

Finally managed to find a somewhere to live, wg-gesucht.de finally came out trumps. A guy I’d been haggling with for weeks contacted me to say he would be happy to have me at a slightly reduced rate. The thought of a cooked meal instead of these confounded Bratwursts had me salivating in my sleep.

Alas, there must have been a misunderstanding; I swear he told me that there were two other foreign students living in the apartment.

"Nein, there is nobody else living in the apartment. I did had some students living with me, but that was time ago. In der past."

Just me and a forty-two year old man then, oh joy...

German – English Dictionary
S-Bahn – suburban train
der Jungerherberge – Youth Hostel
Hauptbahnhof – Main train station
eine Wohung – a flat
nicht so gut – not so good