“Tinder is how people meet. It’s like real life, but better.”
So says Mr Tinder on gotinder.com
And so, ten days before St Valentine’s Day, I went to my Samsung Play Store, and I got that Tinder. What did I discover along the way? Here is my dating diary:
Download. Tinder connects via your Facebook profile. Check resulting Tinder profile to see which pictures have been pulled. Why did I ever have THAT photo as my profile picture?! Cue swift deletion of no fringe photograph to be replaced by one that I would be happier for the 22-28 year olds living within 50 miles to see.
And now for the fun part.
Tinder searches for the nearest eligible bachelors in your area. Sometimes you will have common interests with them based on your Facebook likes. Most common shared interests I had with fellow Tinderers? ‘Bird is the word for UK Christmas number 1 2010 to beat X Factor’ and ‘King Julian’.
A lot of the Tinder cards being dealt to me were of men with at least one picture of them skiing. Cool, getting a bit warmer now. And in the case of other people, we would never have had anything in common, and this is how I learnt to use the swipe left function.
Guy flexing his well-oiled six-pack? Swipe left.
“Work hard, play hard” in his ‘About Me’ section? Swipe left.
Selfie? Swipe left.
Let me tell you now, it’s a rare event to swipe right. But when you do, the results are surprisingly enlightening.
Ginger man? Swipe right.
Ginger man with beard? Swipe right.
Ginger man with beard WITH a picture of a tiger? Holla! Swipe right.
With Tinder, you needn’t be crippled with the fear of rejection, because the object of your affection will never know you’ve deemed them worthy of entering the right side, unless they’ve liked you too! Huzzah! And when they do, these 3 words will light up your screen: ‘It’s a match’.
I have matches. We have not spoken. Tinder gives me the confidence to make the first move.
I decide to start with a guy who has a hilarious picture of him with a smiling horse.
“I LOVE your horse picture! Where did you meet him?”
“Hey, I won him in a race across the world :D”
“Did you see many wonders on your travels?”
“Yeah, the list is long though. Sooo do you fancy going for a drink tomorrow?”
“Hold your horses (geddit).”
I can only presume he didn’t get it, because I never heard from him again.
I am addicted to Tinder. My finger is starting to hurt, my phone has swipe marks over it, and if I fail my degree, well then I know why.
Tinder gets an update. As well as swiping, you can now click the ‘Like’ or ‘Dislike’ button to spare any overstretched fingers.
Guy asks for my number. I oblige. Receive text later in the day. Promising.
I now have a few matches, with very little contact. Decide to give myself a bio. Write “5 foot 1 and love a good pun” in my ‘About Me’ section.
Receive a message: “Hey, do you have any sellotape?”
“I’m intrigued to know the next line to this…”
“Well it’s not Christmas but you’re gonna need some.”
“Go on then, what’s it for?”
“To fix some tears coz I’m f#@%!*g ripped!”
Not so much a pun, but he’s funny. Sadly, also living 40 miles away. Maybe I should reign in my catchment area?
Have come to the conclusion that people with a winky face in their bio may be on Tinder for reasons other than long-term love… Still have not found a Bantersaurus Rex interested in great chat. Go on a right-swiping spree.
Message: “I worked in a shoe recycling shop once: it was sole-destroying.”
YES!!! The pun I have been waiting for!
Chat some more with ex ‘shoe recycling shop worker’ guy.
And then some more…
Would I recommend Tinder as a social lubricant? Sure. I don’t believe that there is just one person out there for everyone, but sometimes in everyday life it’s hard to meet any of the ones. Which match will light your fire?