Students are a mysterious bunch. We frequently say one thing and actually mean something completely different. Thankfully, Pause is here to help with this easy-to-use guide to what your fellow academics are really talking about:

1. (Fresher) “I’ve got a pretty quiet week planned, actually.”
Translation: “I’m gonna do shots off someone’s arse, steal a car and throw up in a traffic cone. But only four nights this week, not every night.”

2. (Third Year upwards) “I’ve got a pretty heavy week planned, actually.”
Translation: “I’m gonna sit at home on the sofa in a blanket with one beer and have a Great British Bake Off marathon.”

3. “I do a combined honours Humanities degree.”
Translation: “I do Film and English, but I’m too ashamed to say and I can’t take the abuse for what course I do.”

4. “I play in the rugby team because I love the exercise and the sense of team spirit.”
Translation: “I just needed a legitimate excuse to get my knob out in Clowns.”

5. “I hold positions on five different committees and attend every session of Union Council.”
Translation: “WHY WON’T YOU LIKE ME?”

6. “I prefer the more alternative nightlife, like Lennons and The Edge. Jesters and Sobar are too mainstream.”
Translation: “If I wear hipster glasses in Bevois Valley people will just throw up on my feet again.”

7. “I’ve got a lecture in building 27.”
Translation: “I’m the only person on campus who learned the numbers for all the buildings. It doesn’t benefit me in any way.”

8. “I love the city centre!”
Translation: “I haven’t been verbally abused by the single mums outside Asda yet.”

9. “I can’t believe how quickly these assignments pile up.”
Translation: “I can’t believe how much unplanned Facebook stalking I did yesterday.”

10. “I went to Jesters last night and brought someone home with me.”
Translation: “I went to Jesters last night and brought something home with me.”

Leave your response!