Say what you like about the influx of ‘Spotted’ pages that have been surfacing at universities across the country, but they certainly seem to have captured people’s imagination. That said, none of the pages seem to focus on the downtrodden, the undesirable, the budget shoppers. We’re here to change that. Here are some choice examples from the newest addition to the Spotted family:

“To the little skinhead in the tracksuit stuffing ham slices down his trousers when he thinks nobody’s looking: I know something else that needs stuffing and will meet you outside in 15 minutes.”

“There’s a grossly obese woman in aisle 3 in a miniskirt that barely covers anything, bright pink heels and leopard-print vest. She’s contemplating buying some lard. I’d do anything to get lost in those folds for a night.”

“To the bored looking cashier with fake tan and faker nails refusing to look anyone in the eye because you think you’re better than them: I know there’s love in that permanent sneer and ridiculously tight ponytail. Why won’t you let me find it?!”

“There’s an elderly woman in aisle 5 wearing a plastic bag and talking to herself trying to decide between two different brands of prune juice. There’s only one kind of juice you’ll need soon love, and I’ve got loads of it back at my flat.”

“To the man in short shorts buying Lidl own-brand sausages, tissues and Vaseline: how about you let me join you for that amazing night you obviously have planned?”

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