Shocking footage formerly shelved by Newsnight Editor Peter Rippon shows Sir Jimmy Savile in open discussion with Voldemort, Adolf Hitler and the Megatron over blueprints for Savile’s most recently exposed licence payer funded atrocity.
The plot thickens at the BBC as shocking images of Jimmy Savile dining with some of humanity’s most dangerous enemies in what appears to be the heart of some kind of volcano are made public for the first time. Newsnight Editor Peter Rippon, is already under criticism following allegations of blurring his reasons for shelving a Newsnight report on the sexual atrocities of Sir Jimmy Savile, has had to issue yet another apology after images were discovered in BBC archives showing Savile hosting a dinner party for his ne’er-do-well counterparts. Rippon has now finally decided to burst the dam of Savilegate in its entirety in a bid to clear the Rippon name, that of the BBC, and just generally put the whole messy exponential business to rest. Rippon explained his actions in an interview with us earlier this week.
‘I just want it to be known that I’m just as surprised as everybody else is about Savile,’ insisted Rippon in defence, ‘It has been a difficult few weeks for the BBC, and while admittedly this did all start as just a couple of accusations at Savile for sexual harassment dug up from sort of around the 80’s, we are now fairly certain that Jimmy Savile was pound for pound the most evil person in the history of mankind.’
The footage and images released by Rippon and the BBC show Savile at the head of a long sleek titanium table, dressed in his trademark matching tracksuit and wide-rimmed sunglasses, drinking from a champagne flute filled with orphans’ tears and presenting plans for what he calls ‘The Jimmy Savile Nazi Moon Base’ which appears to be intended for total if not permanent world domination. Features of Savile’s worryingly detailed blueprints include the ‘Jim‘ll Blitz It Anti-Matter Particle Death Ray’, an army of animatronic Terminator-style kill bots (each modelled on 1960’s Top Of The Pops contestants) and a three hundred acre self-contained menagerie which Savile appeared to see as a recreational space where he could walk around and drop in on the ten or so major psychiatric hospitals which Savile had not only got the keys to, but had them transported to the moon at his request.
‘It’s essentially the Death Star but with more cheap jewellery and shell suits,’ Rippon adds.
Amongst Savile’s collaborators pictured in the footage are, most notably, Lord Voldemort (aka Tom Riddle/He Who Shall Not Be Named), Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin, Zombie Bin Laden, Dick Dastardly, 80% of the major Bond villains and Piers Morgan. In one photograph, Savile goes as far as to light his cigar on the Eye of Sauron. ‘Now then now then, let’s see if we can’t usher in a new age of planet wide despotic extreme-right terror,’ says Savile in a poor quality audio recording. Other miscellaneous images found in the BBC archives included Savile running through Harrods with Bowser and an AK-47 robbing all the Puma outlets, and Savile at Hyde Park in broad daylight on a Saturday, driving a monster truck into a swan.
‘Of course we didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand,’ stated an anonymous BBC representative, ‘the BBC aren’t evil, but at the time senior figures at the BBC must have felt under a lot of pressure to cover up the sordid goings on of a highly influential social character who was otherwise a national treasure. Plus he seemed like a really nice guy; one minute you’re helping hush up a few internal rumours at television headquarters, the next you’re orchestrating a vast covert operation to haul ten or so major psychiatric hospitals to an anti-Semitic lunar fort using only left over props from Red Dwarf.’
When asked if the BBC had ever thought of putting morals before face and that perhaps the ‘senior figures at the BBC’ should have considered that vulnerable children and mentally disabled people were the sexual victims of their silence, the representative just shrugged and said it was the 70’s, seeming to think that people should understand the BBC’s actions. ‘I think the BBC has done a really noble job in revealing the corruption of the BBC. The BBC has been excellent at exposing all those BBC bastards, and in the light of being part of the organisation that called out the BBC, I’m proud to call myself a member of the BBC.’
But what of Savile’s associates? A representative from Scotland Yard has recently announced that the accused have been split into three groups, 1. Jimmy Savile, 2. Jimmy Savile and others, 3. Jimmy Savile and absurd fictional pantomime villains. We caught up with Megatron, a prominent Decepticon and attendee at Savile’s volcano pitch, to ask what he thought about the matter. Mr Tron, however, having suffered an embarrassing defeat by Optimus Prime last year in the Michael Bay documentary Transformers: Dark Of The Moon, did not want to put himself at risk of any further bad publicity. Skeletor was unavailable for comment.
In what promises to be just the tip of the iceberg in this latest episode of Savilegate for the BBC, only Noel Edmunds and Jeremy Clarkson have come out in support of the totalitarian child abusing goofball. Edmunds commented in an interview that ‘what Savile did physically is on many levels no different to what I do mentally to my Deal Or No Deal contestants on a daily basis, and no one is making any investigations about me!’ While most did agree with the bearded maniac, it was explained to Mr Edmunds in the same interview that the United Nations are currently carrying out an extensive report into the mulleted fanatic for crimes against humanity.
Clarkson commented only that it was ‘political correctness gone mad’ and that everyone involved with the inquiry, irrespective of their alignment, should be ‘taken out and shot in front of their families.’ But then again, this close to Christmas, Clarkson is likely to say something like that to shift a couple of hundred thousand more DVDs of his bigoted pubic tosh, and has been ignored by all (sentient) humans.