Following the recent announcement that Kim Kardashian is pregnant with Kanye West’s child, the couple was inundated with enough offers and investment opportunities that the unborn baby is already one of the world’s most successful businessmen.

The baby’s name is of yet undisclosed, but Kanye has been reported to have suggested ‘Titan’, ‘Jay-Z2’ and ‘$’. Whatever their decision, the rights to the name have already been sold, so anyone addressing the child must add the prefix ‘Coca-Cola Presents’ or face a minimum of two years jail time.

A prediction of the child's appearance circa age six.

A prediction of the child’s appearance circa age six.

Kim has promised an exclusive magazine feature of the birth, which will only be attended by close family, agents and PR people, selected paparazzi, a documentary crew, various showbiz friends, and 10 lucky competition winners. The baby will experience its first photoshoot ten minutes after birth, and begin composing the first of its lucrative seven-album record deal.

A spokesperson for the couple said:

“We’re all thrilled for Kim and Kanye, and wish them both the best of luck in bringing this little miracle into the world that definitely isn’t just a way to further both of their careers. I’m also contractually obliged to state that whatever Kim Kardashian actually does does indeed constitute a ‘career’.”

Twitter and Facebook accounts have already been set aside for the young West-Kardashian, a move that has angered residents of the town of West Kardashian, Namibia.

2 Comments »

Leave your response!

  • David Mendoza-Wolfson
    avatar

    its words will be incoherent as it must certainly have the voice of a generation…?

    Reply

    Sam Everard
    avatar

    That’s by far the most intelligent comment I’ve ever seen on a Pause article.

    Reply