You think you’ve made a pretty sizeable impact on this planet, right? No you haven’t, stop lying. Here’s a few reasons as to your staggering insignificance:

  1. In all likelihood, you’ve contributed nothing towards the progression of the human race. If you have, hats off to you, but someone else would probably have come up with the idea eventually any way.
  2. People may love you… but they could love someone else just as easily. Your mum might think you’re great, but she’d think that about anything she’d given birth too. And that girlfriend you’ve got? Well, she loves you for the way you make her feel, not because of who you are.
  3. You’re moderately clever (maybe even properly clever!), but WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? It’s just a bunch of facts about a world which will keep on turning after you die.
  4. The earth revolves around the sun, not you, unfortunately. Unless you’re a massive (and I mean MASSIVE) celestial body – I think we’ll be fine when you go.
  5. The world has been turning for 4.54 billion years. The death of one person hasn’t stopped it in all that time; why should it now?
  6. No, but in all seriousness…humanity is resilient. Awful things happen all the time, but we have a beautiful, innate ability to dealing with them. When you die, people will cry, don’t get me wrong. They’ll mourn for a while, (not in their thousands, but a significant number of the people that you love). They’ll throw you a funeral. There’ll be a massive wake and your old school friends will all get drunk and reminisce about the time you forgot your shorts and had to do P.E. in your pants. But, in time, they’ll find a way of coping, because that’s what humans do. 

I’m not saying that you’re not special. You probably are. You’re probably great. I don’t know you. I don’t know. I just don’t want you to delude yourself.

4 Comments »

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  • Student
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    wtf? What kind of crap is this.

    Sorry but the soton tab is definitely better than the wessex scene these days…

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    Sam Everard
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    Thanks for your input! We’ll make sure to never consider your opinion in future.

    Reply

    Mich
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    Although that wasn’t the most constructive comment, it’s not very reassuring that someone running for Editor is so averse to criticism and just refuses to acknowledge that there might be a problem with an article. Appreciated the sentiment but it wasn’t funny or well-written.

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    Sam Everard
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    Hi Mich. I’m not at all averse to criticism if it is constructive and not just abusive. If the only thing this person can say is that another publication is better than ours, who does that help? I know there are problems with the article, but equally I will always stand up for my writers.

    Reply