DCI Candidates Revealed to be the Same Person


Jon North and David Martin, the two candidates in the running for the position of VP Democracy and Creative Industries this year, were found today to actually be the same person.

Despite their similarity in appearance, few people had made the connection until a survey revealed that 100% of students had never seen the two men in a room together. Suspicions were confirmed when a cleaner saw the Martin/North hybrid changing shirts between different public appearances to give the illusion of being a different person.

A SUSUtv insider has said that the filmed live debate between the two candidates was actually shot using a greenscreen, confirming that only one of the two exists:

“We’ve actually known for a few weeks now, but we didn’t think it would make any difference. We experimented with androids, but we couldn’t get the personality right. As it is, I’m voting for Jon Martin. Or is it David North? I don’t really know.”

The imposter had even written the same manifesto twice but changed some of the buzzwords to throw off anybody tracking him. Suggestions that one of the candidates is actually just wearing the other’s face as a mask are as of yet unfounded.

Screen shot 2013-02-21 at 17.50.32
On the left is an evil, elections-programmed clone. On the right is another.

Discussion5 Comments

  1. avatar

    Sam I’m sorry to have to do this to you but you can’t get away with exposing SUSU’s secret cloning program like this. I’m afraid you’ll have to come with me.

    Sam Everard

    But Jon, I didn’t write this article! Take the anonymous reporter, spare me!

    Jon North

    Or whoever you are…

  2. avatar

    Im personally very supportive that an evil clone wants to run our union, democracy has become very cheerful and happy with the new democracy dept and a certain spiky-haired sabb, when really democracy is a cruel bitch of a system where only the strongest and most ruthless win elections and surivive.

    Plus, im sure our erudite queen of all things welfare, Chloe Green, would welcome a non-human robotic thing that wears lots of makeup.

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