The Vatican appointed a new pontiff yesterday following the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI, and the incoming pope immediately broke from tradition by holding a keg party and streaking around St Peter’s Basilica.
The arrival of Argentinean party animal Jorge Bergoglio was heralded by white smoke rising from the Vatican, and his name was revealed an hour later. Sources in the Vatican report the delay was due to Bergoglio challenging cardinals to rounds of Halo 4.
The gathered assembly also had to listen to him freestyle for 15 minutes.
Bergoglio took his name from Pope Obnoxious of Rome, patron saint of college jocks, who ruled from 36-27 BC and was known for his love of excessive drinking and farting at barbarians. Pope Obnoxious II has already begun to follow in his predecessor’s footsteps by drawing dicks in the Sistine Chapel and forcing cardinals to chug holy water.
Though an official interview with Obnoxious is not allowed at this stage, some of his closest advisors have stated that he is ‘very glad to be appointed in time for Steak and a Rosary Day, because he’s going to be knee-deep in nuns’. As decreed by his holiness, Nickelback’s entire back catalogue will be played over the Vatican’s PA system for the next week to celebrate his arrival.
It’s articles like this that makes the Wessex scene shit.
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Thanks for the incredibly constructive criticism. With regards to your ‘proper journalism’ comment, this section of the Scene has nothing to do with actual journalism, and is merely for entertainment. If you think Pause is to the Scene’s detriment, you’re welcome to think so, but we believe it broadens our appeal.
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this isn’t funny in the slightest.
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You should read The Onion instead of posting insulting words. Free speech my arse.
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Who is this comment directed at? Is it at Sam or the other posters? Either way, be clearer next time.
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It’s obvious that this is a joke article but I can’t help thinking that it’s still quite disrespectful…
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Disrespectful would be the Pope being openly anti-gay marriage and anti-gay adoption calling it a ‘destructive attack on God’s plan’.
He can offend thousands of gay people but god forbid anyone take the piss out of him.
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How is this article even taking the piss? When you take the piss out of someone, you exaggerate some real event. So you could mock NIck Clegg for always being apologetic because of the ‘I’m sorry’ video. Does this article refer to some event that I’ve just missed? Bergoglio is in fact known for his humility, making this article completely random and unfunny. Satire needs to be based on some real facts even if those facts are then exaggerated.
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I’m sorry you didn’t like the article. It’s making a mockery of the ceremony and the sincerity of the whole thing, not the man himself. And regardless of whether he’s known for his ‘humility’, he’s also a raging homophobe.
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I’m sorry, I didn’t realise there was one definition for taking the piss. He’s known for his humility? Oh right, if being homophobic is what is regarded as humility then this is a horrible world we’re living in,
The event is him becoming Pope, that’s pretty obvious. Therefore it’s not random. And you may find it unfunny but that’s your opinion. I personally don’t share it.
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You don’t share the opinion it’s ‘unfunny?’…that’s surprising considering your boyfriend wrote it. Why the incessant need to disagree with all commenters – they are entitled to dislike it as much as you do.
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He’s had negative comments on other articles that I haven’t commented on so it might be because I actually like this article and feel the need to share my opinion, regardless of my relationship with him.
You might be called Jesus but clearly you’re not omniscient. Maybe use you real name? Then I might take you a tiny bit seriously…
Sam, fair enough, they do make a ceremony of electing the pope. Although not out of proportion, in my opinion.
Cally, obviously there is not only one definition of taking the piss – I was just trying to make myself clear. And by random I was referring to the pope’s portrayal as being obnoxious. Hardly justified by his being elected alone.
To both of you, have a look at this article regarding the humility thing (I didn’t just make it up!):
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21777141
It does say he is ‘orthodox on sexual matters’, but I haven’t read or heard anything about him being homophobic.
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As much as I love to make fun of catholics (and generally dislike the religion and most of its views), I have to point out that this guys right – opposing gay marriage and gay adoption =/= homophobia. Most oppose through political, social and theological views and ideas rather than a hatred or discrimination of homosexuals.
I think the quotes in here on gay adoption best sum up why I would accuse him of being homophobic. Regardless of whether it stems from doctrine, it’s still homophobia.
http://www.businessinsider.com/pope-francis-comments-on-gay-marriage-and-gay-adoption-2013-3
This article is more than just provocation, it is a direct insult to any student whose faith or opinions makes him or her respect the Pope. This is completely against the policy of Wessex Scene, which, being part of Southampton University’s press should ideally be run by the students FOR the students, including those that have some respect for people who merit it!
Freedom of speech is always a delicate matter, yet in no way justifies such an article. While it is “perfectly respectable” to criticise an honest and humble man, who has made the difficult choice to dedicate his entire life to God, this very man is not allowed to give his opinion on homosexual marriage without being categorised as “homophobic”, a term nowadays employed on anybody who is not defending the rights of homosexuals. This article is the typical caricature of the wannabe journalist, trying to make a buzz by attacking (for no apparent reason!) a well established and respected order.
Trying to justify yourself by quoting another biased website has the exact opposite effect, as your “article” is one of many examples of how easy it is to support any point of view with quotations from websites!
Please think again twice (at least!) before publishing another of your “non conformist” articles, as apart from giving you the impression of having created such a “buzz”, you are also contributing to what make Wessex Scene a less and less popular media!
A very disappointed student!
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Hi ‘Disappointed’, a couple of things:
1. How is this a direct insult? If it was about, say, a politician or similar world leader, would you have the same issue? Your faith is making this more personal, when actually that isn’t the case. Also, I’m fairly certain you know nothing about Wessex Scene policy, so don’t bring in things that definitely don’t support you. If this was against policy, it wouldn’t have been published.
2. You can’t decide what justifies freedom of speech or not, by definition of the term. It’s not your call to make. And don’t be close-minded enough to think I’m accusing him of homophobia just because he doesn’t defend homosexual rights. Regardless of the source, those quotes regarding gay rights bills in Argentina are not fabricated, and have strong homophobic connotations. I’m gonna go right ahead and assume you’re Catholic, but you can’t be naive enough to think that from an outsider perspective Catholicism is a ‘well established and respected order’ in the current climate. It is consistently wracked with scandal and can even be detrimental in some third world countries.
3. Despite your opinion (and consistent use of quotation marks) I don’t write articles for the controversy. Everything I write is something I believe would make a good read, or is making a point on wider issues.
Thank you for your “points”, and I look forward to making Wessex Scene a less and less popular media as Editor next year.
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“make a good read, or is making a point on wider issues.”, do the same on Judaism, and you will be categorised as anti-Semitic, do the same on Islam, well, you never will, because one needs some courage to do so, but criticise Catholicism, tada! it’s humoristic!
Well done for your hard work, full of research and interesting information!
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Classic argument technique there, ignoring all but one of my points. I’ll have to assume you realised I was right about all of the others then.
I don’t think I would be classed as anti-Semitic if I were to do that, and if an opportunity arose to make an observation on Islam, then yes, I would do it. The point here is that I am not insulting the religion. If you take it that way, you’re missing the point entirely. Also, ‘humouristic’ was not the word you were looking for. That would be ‘humorous’.
I actually do work very hard for this section, so if you want to criticise that then that’s an entirely different matter. Similarly, your employment of sarcasm is useless because I never purported to be informing and no research went into this article whatsoever.
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To be fair this is cleary ironic, as no pope would be “knee deep in nun” or at least not admit to it! However, perhaps it would be wise to reconstruct the article to provoke a more favourable reaction. Being too provocative will anger many people, therefore you will recieve such a nature of response. However I did find it quite amusing still.
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Anti-papism is the single hate crime that has caused the most bigotry and bloodshed in UK history.
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I’m all for critical arguments against the church, but this is plain disrespectful.
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Go ahead write one about Islam and its homophobic and homicidal tendencies if you think that its ok to laugh at someones religion because their head is seen as homophobic. Its cheap laughs, if the Pope went on a rampage because you insulted Catholicism, the whole of the western world would be torn down. Also if you cant take the criticism at least stop your g-f from defending you.
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