I don’t know if you saw any of the coverage, but I recently created a winter wonderland on Southampton Common.

Depending on who you ask, it was either the most festive event of the decade or a harbinger of the apocalypse. For example, I described it in the brochure as ‘magical, well-maintained and lightly breezy’. Some guest reviews called it ‘horrifying’, ‘cruel’ and ‘desperately unsanitary’. One man said it caused him to recant his faith, because he didn’t believe any god would have allowed its existence. So yeah, swings and roundabouts.

To help future generations understand exactly what went down, I’ve released the series of emails sent by the Southampton City Council and myself. Will time show as a hero of the people? Possibly. Am I going to stand trial for breaking some rules of the Geneva Convention? Almost certainly.

Screen shot 2013-12-24 at 17.33.06

 

Screen shot 2013-12-24 at 18.35.48

 

Screen shot 2013-12-24 at 18.50.07

 

2013-12-24 19.20.07

The attached image. Written on the back of a ‘cease and desist’ letter.

 

Screen shot 2013-12-24 at 19.25.13

Screen shot 2013-12-24 at 19.57.22

 

Screen shot 2013-12-24 at 20.05.15

 

Screen shot 2013-12-24 at 20.19.58

Screen shot 2013-12-24 at 20.40.19

Screen shot 2013-12-24 at 20.52.19

 

I heard from the council a couple of times after that. They had to put my reindeer down. I had been feeding it emu flesh and it got used to the taste of blood. Anyone who complained during the time the Wonderland was active was able to claim a full refund, and I’ve been summoned to an international tribunal in January. All the immigrants got returned to their country of origin, except for Yuri. He was buried in a grave that simply said ‘Christmastown: Never Again’.

Leave your response!