Too skint to afford a festival ticket this summer? No worries! Take our 15 point plan and throw one in your student house!*

*Disclaimer, this may piss off your landlord. You may also lose your housemates, and almost definitely your deposit.

The Preparation

1) Prep the line-up. (or make a playlist…)

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The scientific combination of a good line up is one massive act, 1 newcomer (who will be massive in a year), and one overpriced, and presumably bankrupt act who was massive 5 years ago.

Don’t forget one from the 70s that the kids too young to go unsupervised parents will appreciate.

2) Speculate on Social Media

XX Pro or Valencia?

XX Pro or Valencia?

Open an @PortswoodFestival twitter account, and adamantly deny that Arctic Monkeys are headlining.

Take to instagram and snap a pic in-the-same-place-at-the-same-time as London Grammar with the #SecretMeeting – the blogosphere will go wild.

3) Schedule three acts you love on at the same time in different room, and run between them like a headless chicken.

Via Success Creation Tool Box

Via Success Creation Tool Box

4)  Lock up your bathroom. No showers allowed, hire some portaloos. No garden? Put them on the roof, even more genuine.

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5)   Throw out your loo roll and put some mud in there for good measure.

6)   Get some warm, flat beer and charge £10 a pint.

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7)   Get all your friends to ‘borrow’ trolleys from Sainsbury’s and bring it full of booze. Throw in some crisps, special K and condoms for good measure. Or just sit in it.

Reading Festival 2010

Reading Festival 2010

8)   Hire a burger stand and charge £7 for a plate of soggy chips.

Proper Sausages

Proper Sausages

6)   Pitch Tents in your house (a bed sheet and a washing line should do)

Throw in a Christmas Tree for measure.

Throw in a Christmas Tree for measure.

7)   Throw out all mattresses. Blow up beds and sleeping bags only.

8) Make sure there are lots of stalls for people to keep occupied when there not watching bands. Face paint? Silent Disco? Cinema tent showing this festival 20 years ago, WHY NOT? Maybe even a fun fair charging £10 for a five minute dodgem ride. Or just a random giant rubber duck.

Big Chill 2010

Big Chill 2010

The People

9) Make sure you have the types of people who you are guaranteed to meet at a festival: – the hippie, the music lover, the one doesn’t see any acts, the one who’s too young to be there, the one who’s too old to be there , the groupie,  someone in fancy dress,  and someone wearing a festival shirt.

Festival Fashion

10) Shaved head? Why not write the festival you’re attending on there!

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11) Got hair? Put LOADS of flowers in it.

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and don’t forget the bracelets up to your elbows.

12) Take pictures with lots of people in fancy dress for your Tumblr.

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13) Set up an overpriced festival t-shirt  stall for everyone to wear next year.

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14) Anoraks are essential too.

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The Weather

15)   No British Summer is complete without a hell-load of rain. Hosting it inside, this could be an issue -  perhaps  sprinkers, or water-pistols could do the trick.

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