Pillage People :: Wessex Scene Online

Pillage People

26th January 2004
Rich Heap

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Nov 02 - FEEL LIKE A MILLION
Nov 03 - The Thrills - One Horse Town or one trick pony?
Dec 07 - Interview with The Wallbirds
Dec 07 - Interview with: Hadouken!
Feb 07 - Exclusive interview with JamieT

More by Rich Heap

Nov 03 - SuperFicial Animals
Nov 03 - 'I have no luck with the laydeez' Ask the Edge!
Nov 03 - Ask the Edge - your problems solved!
Oct 03 - Sight Seeing
Oct 03 - Candid Cameras

...or The Day I Phoned an Insane Make-up Wearing Homoerotic Scandinavian Sailor
or, simply, An Interview With Turbonegro’s Hank Von Hvelte

Evil is as evil does and Turbonegro are not evil. They may be slightly strange, and different to anything you’ve ever seen before, but they’re not evil. Of course, they do give all the impression of being evil with lyrical gems like:

"Blood on your back, Blood on your sac, Blood in your crack, Blood in your tracks, Much more blood than you could ever pay back."

- Drenched In Blood

And then there’s the clothes and the make-up, giving all the impression that this band is actually comprised of the six sailors of the apocalypse. Obviously, seeing an inimitable sight such as this can provoke one of two reactions.

The first, from a black metal artist, is that Turbonegro are ‘the most evil band in the world’. Hank Von Hvelte, Turbonegro frontman, disagrees: "We’re not an evil band," he begins. "We never claim to be. We’re a very, very warm and loving band. [He] said that because we scared him." Fear is, of course, one reactions to six big Norwegian guys who look like they’ve just fallen out of Marilyn Manson’s dress-up box. The second reaction, of course, is to laugh because, believe it or not, beneath the make-up and the lyrics, Turbonegro are a fun band.

Maybe it’s not fun in a shiny happy S Club way, but it is fun. Fun for men who want to be men but still wear lipstick at the same time. Yeah... Actually, come to think about it, it’s hilarious, and a welcome alternative to the static, staid, standing around performances of, say, Kings Of Leon. "Well, I think it’s good that bands have started to look like something on stage, because there was a trend, especially in the Britpop thing, for bands to look like nothing, having just T-shirts and jeans on and not doing anything on stage. They just had to stand there and nothing would ever happen. And now with bands like The Darkness and Turbonegro in the U.K. you see that when you pay for a ticket to go and see a gig then you get something visual, together with good music."

If you believe in the principle that bands should look like something on stage, and should give entertainment beyond the musical, then you can’t help but agree. Hell, if I only want to listen to the music I’ll stay at home, listen to the album, and not pay Ł12 for the privilege of being crushed into a crowded, smoke-filled room with people who reckon they’re so much cooler than me. I mean, they’re probably right, but that’s beside the point. The point is that I want to go out and see something. I want to see Jack White wrestling a guitar like an alligator, or The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster’s Guy McKnight wobbling his leg like a Satanic Elvis, or backing films from the likes of The Faint or Manitoba. And that’s why I like Turbonegro. I mean, they’ve obviously taken this principle to an extreme, and for that they should praised. Hell, any band with a reputation for having a frontman who sticks a firework into his arse on stage is alright by me.

Yes, you read that right. It’s the kind of random question that starts in deep sleep with images and images of Roman Candles. You feel yourself moving around and around, more and more vigorously, still unconscious. You suddenly lie deathly still and your eyelids spring open and your eyes fix a point in the dark and the question pops into your head: ‘Why would someone stick a firework up their arse?’ Now you have your answer; it’s all in the name of showmanship. Still, there are easier ways to gain acclaim as a ‘showman’ than sticking a firework up your arse. Donning a catsuit and pretending to be Freddie Mercury while singing falsetto like a band of rabid kittens scratched off your genitalia in a bizarre pet shop accident is the most popular nowadays, of course.

Then again, Turbonegro have never been a band to do things the easy way. They’re only recently back on the scene after an extended sabbatical brought on by Hank’s narcotic dabblings, culminating in a Milanese psychiatric intensive care unit in 1998. Today, however, that’s all behind them, and they’re finally making the sort of mainstream inroads that such a unique band deserves. In fact,with the recent explosion of The Darkness their timing couldn’t have been better. Two years ago aloofness was all the rage, but now people want bands to do something visually too. British Sea Power has foliage, Electric Six has Dick Valentine, The Hidden Cameras have male go-go dancers, and Turbonegro have homoerotic seamen. It’s the same principle, just a darker execution. Arguably it’s this homoerotic side that’s the most scary element of the Turbonegro project. Rather than nicely discussing it, Hank and cohorts Rune Rebellion, Pal Pot Pamparius, Euroboy, Happy Tom and, err, Chris Summers shove it in your face… no… bad phrase… ram it down your throat… oh, forget it…

Another problem, of course, is that they’re not easily categorisable. Good. Deathpunk they may be, but light-hearted deathpunk. In cinematic terms they’d be a B-movie – blood, guts and unmistakeable humour all in one. In televisual terms they’d be The League Of Gentlemen, complete with their own fat Norwegian lumberjack Papa Lazarou intepretation. They mean it too, of course because, if they didn’t believe it, they’d have just dissolved during their sabbatical. But they do, and that’s what makes them a perfect band; their unmistakeable combination of sight and sounds, though always underpinned with a sense of humanity. And it just wouldn’t work if any of these attributes was removed. It just wouldn’t be Turbonegro. And it isn’t Turbonegro if you miss any of these elements. By all means allow yourself to get swept up by their intriguing image, but don’t forget to look further underneath and find their true fun-loving essence. Beneath all the make-up, they’re really just psychotic lambs.