The world of stereotyping about university societies was thrown into turmoil today as it was revealed a political society at Southampton University held a social event which was considered a “fun and enjoyable evening for all involved”.
The society, which cannot be named under strict SUSU reporting restrictions to protect the identity of the social secretary who organised this particular event, met at the Mitre before ‘crawling’ down Portswood Road and ending up in Jester’s, followed by a group meal at Manzil’s. Nobody fell out violently over an obscure aspect of party politicking or political doctrine. Noone with sociopathic tendencies interested only in a future political career of hypocrisy and corruption bothered to turn up, busy as they were sacrificing goats for a Corbyn/Farron/May victory in 2020. Everybody went home contented and happy, with none of the wilder antics caught on camera for any future political blackmail.
Pause’s Correspondent was been baffled as to which society might have been responsible for this. The Liberal Democrat socials are a bloke sitting on his own and Labour would be incapable of organising their “drinks event in a brewery” social without vicious feuding and accusations of being a “baby-eating Tory”. Speaking of porcine interference, it could not have been the Conservatives as no police reports pertaining to gross sexual deviancy or burning tenners in front of poor people were filed in Southampton on the night in question. Moving towards the lunatic fringe of student politics, it could not have been the Marxists because the event took place in Southampton, not at Tarquin’s townhouse in Islington, and neither could it have been the Greens as that would involve enjoyment.
Fears amongst students desperate for a career in politics are growing about undermining the collective reputation of sociopaths in blazers at the University of Southampton. If word gets out that folk here have fun on occasion, it could jeopardise the careers of literally dozens of future County Councillors and self-important media types.
Not to be outdone, we have also been informed that several Sabbs at the union did a productive, honest day’s work befitting their salary and went out to the pub as friends afterwards. There was no union politics being living proof of the theory that Machiavellian antics are inversely proportional to actual power wielded. Said trip to the pub saw most of the money for beer spent on a vote on whether to drink beer or not, followed by a consultation as to which variety would please all interests. As a result, the budget for student societies and organisations has taken another hit.