Being a keen globetrotter who’s aware that our planet is rapidly turning into an Aga, I have found that the pleasure I find in discovering new countries can turn into a guilty one all too easily. It generally involves a plane, and they spew out more CO2 than the tiny Greta Thunberg sat on my right shoulder is generally willing to accept.
So, over the past couple of years, I have been experimenting with long distance bus travel (mainly through Flixbus, as I find it reasonably priced and mostly reliable) as a more sustainable option, where feasible. My longest journeys to date have involved travelling for around 26 hours from Bath to Freiburg, Germany, but I’ve also travelled to Bruges and the Loire in France.
For those who are likewise looking for alternative modes of transport, I’ve compiled a little breakdown (pun intended) of things I find make bus journeys more successful.
Tip #1: Avoid Paris Bercy Seine. At all costs. Especially the loos.
Having spent more time than I care to admit sat in the dingy, urine-scented concrete monolith that is Bercy coach station, I would advise against it. I find myself traipsing towards the toilets more out of morbid curiosity rather than necessity. Visit # 1: Sink broken. Visit # 2: Sink still broken. Men’s toilets also broken, so men using the women’s toilets. Visit # 3: Toilet floor resembles Loch Ness.
If you do have to go through Paris, try to go there in the daytime, as there’s a nice set of public gardens nearby which you can wait in.
On another note, it’s worth checking what the bus stop you’re waiting at is like, for personal safety reasons. If it’s 3 am and you’re in an abandoned carpark, common sense dictates that you’re better off rearranging your travel time. I tend to find being able to wait in a well-lit indoor train station nearby with a few other commuters milling around provides a bit more reassurance when travelling alone.
Tip #2: Dodge the bus bogs.
Strange things happen in Flixbus privies. I remember one journey where I was sat next to an infant who spent most of the journey distributing bits of chewed waffle around the footwell. And I knew child would have to be changed at some point. I don’t envy the poor parents who had to wind their weary way down the aisle and relieve said baby of her soiled apparel in the upright, gyrating coffin further down the bus. Nor do I envy the people who were sat within smelling-distance nearby.
My point is, if you can, book a seat as far away from the loos as possible.
Tip #3: Earplugs and a travel pillow are your friends.
After much sleep-deprivation, I’ve realised that a travel pillow, eye-mask and earplugs are the bread and butter of any bearable bus journey. Generally, the lights come on when they stop at a bus stop overnight, so the eye-mask is invaluable.
Earplugs – self-explanatory. There’s always someone who won’t shut up.
Tip #4: Leave enough time to change buses.
Normally, if you’re booking through Flixbus, they leave at least an hour for you to change buses, and you need it. If not, factor it in yourself. Often, they’re a bit late because traffic is unpredictable.
Tip #5: Not all cuppas were created equal.
Before setting off on your journey, it’s nice to have a pre-bus brew. If you are departing from London Victoria coach station, the cheapest cups of tea (or at least that I’ve found) are available in the small independent café tucked away in the Arrivals hall. Alternatively, there’s the ‘Treats’ shop by Gate 12 which is slightly more expensive, but has PG tips rather than Sainsbury’s own.
Tip #6: Get chatty.
One big benefit of this means of travel is that I’ve met some wonderfully interesting people. When everyone’s stuck on an 18-hour coach ride, people often get bored enough to talk to each other.
For example, months after meeting a student from Strasbourg on a bus, we were able to meet up again and watch a comedy show on a boat together. On another occasion, I was given a very joyful hug and an Italian lesson by a young multilingual lorry driver after I let him use my data hotspot. And I met a French family who were visiting Buckingham palace for a daytrip, and were very confused when the border guard asked them if the royal family were expecting them. I also overheard accounts of disastrous school trips involving a lot of teenage drinking and sex, relayed in heavily French-accented German. If you’re lucky and willing to be sociable, it can be a very convivial experience.
I also find it much more enjoyable if I’ve planned various little treats for myself during the journey, such as downloading a series which I can’t watch until I’m on the bus, or having a fancy homemade salad while watching the sun set over Paris.
So in sum, it’s not always ideal, but I find there are ways of making it more comfortable and enjoyable. Sometimes the journey is too long to take a bus, so I know it won’t work every time – 26 hours was likely my limit – but it’s certainly worth trying out for journeys in Western Europe. So, if you’re willing to give it a go, happy pootling!
