First gaining popularity on TikTok, performative men have run rampant on both digital and physical landscapes of the world.
Even here, in the grimy streets of Southampton, the earthy scent of matcha will waft past you, the green standing out against the adorned hands of the performative man, the other clutching at the Bell Jar, all the while seemingly managing to escape the tangled wired headphones that blast Fiona Apple.
Here you see the performative man in the wild and it shocks you? How did we get to this? And is the performative man actually that villainous?
This archetype was nurtured to become the beast we know it to be now on TikTok. It became so big that it leaked onto other social media platforms until eventually it spilled into the real world. Videos of men “dropping their feminist literature books,” soon inverted to them sitting outside cafes with them propped up, bold and proud.
Lacking the beautiful feathers of a peacock or the long necks of giraffes, human men have turned to attracting a mate in a different way. Soon, there were performative men scattered all over the streets, they even amassed in contests to see who could outperform the gaggle of men. The judges, of course, are the women who they are trying to win over.
All of this feels very reminiscent of Judith Butler’s ideas on gender, identity and how all of it is a performance. However, the insidious nature of the performative man is they probably haven’t read any of the feminist literature they claim to read, so Butler’s ideas are lost on them.
What exactly is a performative man? Is it a man who shows more feminine traits?
I would disagree with this view as the true performative man does not truly respect or embody any of the traits they put on as a costume. Their reading, matcha drinking and sensitivity are all facades they put on and discard when they have acquired their target.
I would also argue that these traits aren’t inherently feminine. Matcha is a drink that has been around much longer than the last few years it has been popularised in the west. Reading was not accessible to women for a long time and sensitivity is prevalent in all genders, they just manifest differently due to socialisation.
What makes a performative man so attractive is the idea that they actually care about women, are informed and don’t allow archaic gender roles dictate their everyday lives. Unfortunately, knowing that women only wish to be truly listened to, the performative man can seemingly adopt these values to reach their own goals.
I feel I have painted quite a negative image of the performative man, but I promise it is not all doom and gloom. The performative man has now morphed into an almost satirical character as people see the irony in the insincere acts of these men.
The contests that have taken place in numerous cities and countries in the world are self-aware and mocking of this archetype. Not to mention, these contests are reopening third spaces for people to create community, interact with one another and simply have fun.
The performative man also allows space for men to explore new forms of literature and hobbies they have believed to be inaccessible. Once the performative man abandons his disingenuous approach to women and starts seeing them and their hobbies as equally cool and interesting, a new type of man is born.
The carcass of the performative man left behind to introduce the well-rounded, curious nerdy boy that has been around and desired for much longer in both media and real life; a phoenix rising from the ashes.
