Ode to Jeremy Kyle

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I’ve been back home for Christmas for all of three days now and I’ve already been seduced by the ever satisfying elements of daytime television. We are taught that there is something terribly self-indulgent about lazing on the sofa, pigging out on food loaded with e-numbers, watching television all afternoon and wasting the day . This I believe is a concept that should be altered. We as people can learn much from daytime television. For example, who better to learn the basic principles of morality from than Trisha Goddard and who will teach you how to make a Christmas pudding better than Phil Vickery. No one. And before you wonder, no I am not 35. I’m 21. A 21-year-old who when she gets a chance, likes to take a break from watching MTV and Film Four and relax to the soulful sounds of Loose Women, discussing the benefits of long johns. The subsequent schedule is easy to follow (and recommended if you have neither a lecture nor a job or if you happen to be locked out of your bedroom and have no choice but to watch day time television). As the sun rises awake with GMTV. Then slowly tune in to This Morning, a treat especially for all you girls a fan of silver fox Philip Schofield. As the day continues, flip over to The Trisha Goddard Show and back again to Loose Women. But hold on, you may be thinking. You have missed something out. Oh but I haven’t. For I have left the best till last. Jeremy Paxman can jog on. It’s all about Jeremy Kyle.

In the same way Dominic is obsessed with Tyra Banks, I am too with Jeremy Kyle. Now of course Banks is far more aesthetically and aurally pleasing than Kyle. She may be the Queen of the modelling world, but Kyle is the Adonis of daytime television. His machismo defined by his downright self-righteousness and patronising tone is arousing to say the least. That wayward jaw line, those cold blue eyes, his lack of emotion and his incessant arguing with his guests is far more entertaining than any of Paxman’s attempts to pull politicians apart. His catchphrases, ‘This is my show so sit back and relax!’ and ‘I don’t give a damn!’ unashamedly rival Spenser’s sonnets. Oh to hear Kyle’s words is like to hear the claws of a cat scratching on a chalkboard. Loud, abrasive and demanding of attention, his rhetoric is intrusive in its demeanour. My favourite show taglines include ‘Your baby is too white to be mine!’ and ‘Did my new husband seduce my daughter?!’ These things do happen. Call me naive. Call me stupid. Call me a moron even. But I am convinced that someone out there, whilst watching this show is thinking ‘yeah my baby is far too light-skinned to be mine’ or ‘yeah I know my sister’s best friend’s cousin slept with my man!’ Remember if someone can think of it, it can happen. Either that or I am so delusional I shouldn’t be allowed to write, let alone contribute to this blog.

God, you must be thinking, what a sad, sad girl, but my defiant response is BOTHERED. It is harder to have such a treat back at university as during the time JK is on (9.25-10.30) I am usually sat in a lecture wondering who the J-Man is up against today. So when I am back at the parents house I relish it. Daytime television is fundamentally vacuous and mind numbingly boring. This I do not deny. But there is also something fascinating about the way in which British society is portrayed on the stages of talk shows and discussion panels. Question Time and Newsnight may be deemed far more intellectual than anything JK could say, but I must argue that the Jeremy Kyle Show in itself has taught me a lot. The main point being that there are those who will exploit and those who will be exploited. I suppose some might say that watching the show is akin to driving up to a car crash and slowing down to get a better look. However what if sometimes, those involved in the car crash are willing participants, waving at you inviting you to look in on the carnage. Of course many of the guests on the show are exploited and made vulnerable, though I do believe just as many are scooped up by the reality TV mentality of our generation and are enticed by the thought of making an appearance on national television. As a tax paying citizen I have every right to watch this.

So for all you JK snobs out there, give him a chance. I am sure you all have something constructive to do with your lives instead, but sometimes you just need to sit there and be. Take note of the social experiment happening before you of which the guests, the audience and Kyle participate in a baiting ring of jeers, boos, tears and laughter. It is much more interesting than you think it will be.

Wendy Oloya

Oh and if you really don’t like daytime television or JK, then give these tunes a try

My top 5 songs on constant repeat at the moment:
Foreign Beggars ft. Skinnyman- Hold On
Michael Jackson-I wanna be where you are
A Tribe called Quest- Electric Relaxation
Layo & Bushwacker- Love Story
Devlin- Community Outcast

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