Movember – Week 3


And so we are approaching the final week of November. Christmas Lights start to appear, its getting dark by 3 o’clock, and Boots is re-stocking the shaving foam.

Its been an incredible Movember here at Southampton. Bearded Men have flooded our campuses, and it will be with great sorrow (hopefully) that they will remove the whiskers next week.

Last week I mentioned the ‘Have Sex With A Guy With A Mustache Day’ on November 18th and can only hope that every lady on campus was in Portswood to show their support.

On a completely different note I have amazing news for those guys who couldn’t bear the thought of 30 shave-less days. Keep in mind that this is now only relevant for next year’s Movember, but an alternative to Movember has arrived in the form of the ‘No Wank November.’

That is literally what it is called and I’m sorry if anyone reading was offended by that title. I have no idea where this idea came from and it is much less prominant online than Movember. However, it is a good way to show a committment to charity in November so long as you are considered a trustworthy person.

This event, unlike Movember, isn’t limited to just boys. This creates a huge conflict of interest for girls who want to support both the ‘No Wank November’ and the ‘Have Sex With A Guy With A Mustache’ campaigns. Fortunately a wise individual had the foresight to create a loophole in the ‘No Wank November’ campaign which allows women to be exempt from the campaign for one day and one day only.

After looking around as much as I can I’ve discovered the following rules about this new phenomenon;

1. As with Movember, the latest masturbation is allowed is October 31st.

2. You may not commit to this if you have a partner or are having sex regularly. You have to actually put some effort into a charity event and substituting someone else’s hand in just doesn’t cut it. Also, if you have a long term partner, you should definitely go for the full Movember in order to see just how shallow they really are.

3. No concious ejaculation is allowed during the month of November.

4. No self-stimuli is allowed at all during November.

5. A wet dream is permitted as you weren’t awake when it occurred.

6. Men will adhere to the ‘3 shakes rule’ at all times.

Urban Dictionary also suggests a ‘Danger Wank December’ but ominously doesn’t include any more details …

Next week will be the grand finale; when man’s efforts pay off and the moustaches are shaved off (or not, since many become attatched to their Mos!) The end of Movember 2011 is nigh.




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