As we all know, getting ready for a night out can often be the best part: choosing your outfit, your shoes, deciding whether to curl or straighten your hair and wondering how much highlighter you can possibly get away with without blinding everybody else on the dance floor. However, though some outfits may look gorgeous when you’re posing for photos before the taxi arrives, they may not be too practical once you’ve indulged in a Jesticle or two.
The first item of clothing to avoid is the notorious bodysuit. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that they have their pros (namely not having to worry about re-tucking your top into your skirt after every loo visit). You can rely on a bodysuit to stay put all night…if you are able to redo the atrocious poppers after those dreaded bathroom breaks. I believe that bodysuit poppers will go down in history as the most inconvenient element of clothing of all time. The inevitable, nightmarish crouch and peer under your crotch to attempt to drunkenly match the poppers in a rowdy bathroom cubicle, then thinking you’ve managed it when actually you’ve mismatched them and one is now hanging down aimlessly. Bodysuits aren’t a wise decision for a night out especially if you’re drinking and therefore frequenting the toilet. If you want to wear a leotard, go for it, but whatever you do, don’t break the seal.
The second no no, infamous throughout time for their ability to inflict excruciating pain whilst simultaneously giving you a Kardashian bum, creating the ultimate Sophie’s Choice: high heels. I’m not denying that they make us all look fabulous, but they are to be avoided. The blisters, the falling over, the endless complaining to others throughout the entire night. The pain doesn’t even stop when you take them off; it’s as if your whole foot has now been permanently forced into the shape of the shoe and needs all night to relax back into its original shape. However, if you have a higher pain threshold than me, which is likely, then, by all means, knock yourself out. However, I urge you to buy some fold up flats to keep in your bag. Rollasole is a great option for some comfy shoes to throw on if your feet start to hurt, without taking up unnecessary amounts of space in your bag.
Thirdly, stay away from extremely textured clothes like sequins and fur. As nice as they look, you won’t be happy when someone inevitably spills a drink over your fur coat, and you either have to stand under the hand dryer in the bathroom in a weak attempt to salvage it or to continue dancing looking as though you’ve been caught in the rain. I’m also in shock as to how these coats can be worn all night without the wearer either passing out or melting into a puddle. Sequins also cause issues throughout the night; you will become increasingly aware of the trail you are likely to have left behind you as you walked. Also, you will definitely get caught on other people and either ruin your clothes completely or slowly get dragged off with whoever has accidentally attached themselves to you.
On a night out, you’re likely to do lots of dancing and generally lots of extreme movement, therefore, it may also be a good idea to avoid the colour grey. If you are not one to perspire then potentially skip this piece of advice, but I for one think it’s a staple to remember when selecting your outfit for the evening. Wearing a grey or light coloured top in a huge room with however many other people jumping and grooving in a small, enclosed space could mean trouble. Not only for sweaty reasons but also because of the guaranteed klutz who will spill a full vodka coke all over you, making your initially grey top appear a murky black.
The fifth fashion faux pas to avoid on a night out is the playsuit. I know they look great, but you’ll truly understand the error of your ways when you need the loo in a club at 2 am and have to strip down completely and sit on the toilet in the nude. Furthermore, playsuits are an issue with their inconvenient fastenings: lots of small buttons, long zips. If you’re determined to wear one, you’ll need to drag a friend in there with you. As long as you aren’t alone in the cubicle carrying out a small reenactment of the chicken dance whilst you attempt to reach behind you and hoist a small zip from the small of your back to the nape of your neck, then you’ll be alright.
Finally, I would like to remind readers of the unreliability of pockets. When I try on a dress and then discover it has pockets, my heart skips a beat. It is a truly beautiful moment. However, on a night out, beware of what you trust your pockets with. What with all the jumping around and the drunken lack of attention being paid to your belongings, it is unexpectedly easy to lose everything you came out with. By all means, use your pockets for objects you’re not relying on, but when it comes to your phone, your keys and your money: make sure they’re zipped away.
Hopefully these tips will help you when the treacherous task of choosing what to wear in Freshers occurs. I hope it saves you the ‘panic in the bathroom cubicle’ that too many of us must endure.