When I initially sat down to think about what I wanted to write about on Freshers, it was difficult to put into words. The “Freshers’ experience” is such a complicated tangle of experiences: new people, places, classes, accommodation, habits, Freshers events, parties, and society fairs, that it’s almost impossible to pinpoint exactly what to write about.
But that got me thinking: around the buzz and excitement that might come with a time like this, there is also an emotional and physical intensity to it, which, while I myself enjoyed, seemed to detract from me actually processing starting here.
Worrying about making friends or feeling isolated, anxiety about the great unknown that I’ve been suddenly dropped into, sadness about leaving home for a new one, or a sense of being completely out of my depth all lingered beneath the surface and were almost concealed by the sheer pace that I was moving at.
Now, after having been here for a year, I realise that if I could teach my past self anything it would be how to manage the Freshers experience and look after myself when university is most intense. So, I thought I’d share this with you too.
1. We all need breaks sometimes. What you define as a break is different for everyone, whether that’s going on a walk, journaling, reading a book, going out with friends, or even picking up a part-time job. A break is distance from university and classes; it is a chance to refocus and get some perspective, to check in with yourself and see how you’re actually doing.
2. Do you need to spend time with others?… In many courses, some might have more independent study time than lectures, especially during busy times such as the exam season, from which you might begin to feel isolated or distanced from others.
While everyone’s social betters have different strengths, spending time with others can be a great tool to combat any loneliness you might face throughout your course. One great way you could do this is by joining societies and finding like-minded people to connect with, giving you a much-needed distraction from university life whenever you want to connect with others.
3. …Or do you need time alone? On the flip side, sometimes there’s nothing nicer than spending some quality time alone. University, despite the benefits of spending time with others, has a large social culture around it, which, while it has its benefits, it can be exhausting in excess.
Again, everyone’s social batteries have different strengths, and sometimes you might just need a reset. You are allowed to want to spend time alone, and that doesn’t have to mean staying at home. I encourage you to treat yourself sometimes, even if that is going to a cafe and reading or staying at home and binge-watching three seasons of your favourite show over a weekend.
4. Planning, planning, planning. Of all of the things that I could have chosen, this certainly might feel like one of the more mundane pieces of advice, but it has done wonders for me. When I mention “planning”, it goes beyond merely just keeping a schedule or calendar, but rather creating a habit of breaking down tasks into small, manageable chunks, keeping in mind what needs doing and when.
Doing this helped me to reduce some of the initial panic I felt when faced with feeling out of my depth with tasks and independent study, and helped remind me that some of my problems were not nearly as big as they seemed.
5. Advice, Listen, Distraction. This one is more focused on helping others rather than yourself. Maybe we consider it to be an intuitive skill that we develop as we grow up, but it’s rare to see actual advice on what you should do when a friend asks you for help or doesn’t seem to be doing great. What are we supposed to do in these moments? What are we supposed to say?
Personally, I find giving them a choice to be useful: a) Do you want to talk through what’s going on and receive some advice? b) Do you just want someone to listen and hear you? or c) Do you want a distraction from your feelings? In doing so, you give them the choice to get the help they need and avoid the hesitation of feeling as though you can’t give them the right kind of support.
If you or someone you know feel like you need support or to talk to someone, University of Southampton has a wellbeing team, reachable 24/7 via 02380 599599, or in person between 08:00-20:00, Monday-Sunday.
University of Southampton also has a directory page for immediate support, available here.
