Jesters Talk Hijacks Cricket Feed

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On the first day of the Ashes, it was averaging thirty-four degrees in Adelaide as English and Australian fans prepared themselves for a day of cricket in the glorious sun. Meanwhile in Southampton, the snow had set in and Uni had been cancelled. With bitter temperatures dropping to minus seven degrees it’s no surprise that the weather quickly became a talking point on the BBC Sports live update service. However it was one passing comment involving Southampton’s very own nightclub Jesters, that became the hot topic of the night, with current and former guests of the Portswood club sharing their stories. It all began at 4 am in the morning…

From X, Southampton, TMS inbox: “Working in a nightclub. Broken heating. Minus 4 outside, pretty much the same inside. Didn’t think the shift could get any worse. And then the DJ plays Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Xmas. Thank god for the cricket.”

From Nick, Southampton: “Re: X, don’t suppose that’s a certain unsanitary club, rated 2nd worst nightclub in Europe called Jesters? Was thinking about going tonight but decided best to get stuck into an essay on what role China played in the 1968 Tet offensive while listening to England get on top of the Aussies. Your message has confirmed I made the correct decision for both this morning and my long-term future.”

From Anon: “Heard Jester’s main competitor shut down promoting it to the title? Had several snakebite-fuelled, amnesia-inducing episodes there. My gag reflex tweaks at the thought.”

From Matt, Melbourne, TMS inbox: “Nick, as a Southampton University alumnus I would say I think ‘unsanitary’ is a bit generous for Jesters. Never before have I been on a dancefloor and seen one guy vomiting, one guy urinating and one guy getting lucky all with a quick turn of the head. Still, at 50p for a pint of snakebite, my pride was willing take a back seat to my bank balance…”

From Nick, TMS inbox: “Re: Nick in Southampton at 4:04. It has been an astonishing day so far – not so much the cricket but the news Jesters in Southampton has not been closed down yet. Sounds like they haven’t improved it in the 10 years or so…”

From Richard, TMS inbox: “I can’t believe I am reading about Jesters nightclub on the cricket feed. Used to work there as a student in the late 80s, many happy (but hazy) memories, in particular the time I rode my BMX round the dancefloor after Platty scored the winner against Belgium in the last minute of extra-time in the 1990 World Cup. Damn you Fifa!!!

From Anon: “I met my wife in Jesters and woke her up to show her this TMS feed!! She is unimpressed.”

From Andrew, London: “I’m pretty sure Jester’s is the only club I’ve been in that can present a sticky ceiling as well as a sticky floor.”

By 07.30 in the morning the cricket had finished at the Adelaide Oval, with England bowling out Australia for a minor two hundred and forty five runs, and talk of the Ashes and Jesters subsided as the all-nighters went to bed.

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