“Nominate a Friend” – The Funny Ones

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New for this year SUSU introduced an online campaign for students to “nominate a friend” for a Sabbatical or Trustee position. While many were serious suggestions sent into the Democracy office, it produced a few witty responses which have been passed on to the Wessex Scene to publish.

In no particular order:

Name: Sir John Major

Position: Vice President Communications

Why?: they have experience as prime minister of the United Kingdom for 7 years as well as serving as chancellor of the exchequer and foreign secretary before that. They are a team player who will break the susu clique and work to build consensus.

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Name: Raef Bjayou from The Apprentice

Position: Vice President Communications

Why?: the spoken word is his tool.

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Name: an exciting new entertainment show called “Top Gere”

Position: Vice President Sports Development

Why?: it would be great. Celebrities attempt to kill (or “Top”) the famous actor Richard Gere (or “Gere”).

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Name: Michael Gove

Position: Vice President Academic Affairs

Why?: Self-explanatory.

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Name: an exciting new clip show called “comedians do the funniest things”

Position: Vice President Student Engagement

Why?: it would be great. Rather than deriving humour from the not-naturally-hilarious fields of kids, weddings and pets, cdtft would go straight to the humour-source and use amateur footage of professional comedians being funny. INSTANT HIT!!!!! £250 for a clip used on the show.

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Name: an ankylosaurus

Position: Vice President Academic Affairs

Why?: they are heavily protected from carnivores with thick armour plates embedded in their leathery skin, 2 rows of spikes along their body, large horns that project from the back of the head, and a club-like tail. They even have bony plates as protection for their eyes. They also have experience as a course rep and a social sec.

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