Donald Trump to Receive Honourary Doctorate

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The controversial US presidential candidate Donald Trump is to receive an honourary doctorate from University of Southampton. It will come from the Department of Politics and International Relations in reflection of his achievements in this field over the last year.

Donald Trump has transformed American politics in the last year. Never before has a superpower been reduced to a reality TV show. We believe that with the great effect he is having on world politics, it is time to Make International Relations Great Again.

The department for Politics and International Relations has deflected the controversy that this award will certainly generate, pointing out that Trump is easily one of the most influential figures in world politics today, having spent decades advocating his various theories in foreign policy in all manner of forums. As a world-famous proponent of the ‘Wall Theory’ of International Relations Theory, Mr Trump has started debates the world over, such as whether red bricks are a superior wall construction material to concrete slabs. It is high time, the faculty told us, that such international achievements were recognised by the University of Southampton.

The Trump Foundation has made many high-profile donations to University of Southampton in the last several years, funding both a Chair in Latin American Studies, the Donald Trump Professor of Mexican Studies, as well as a £4M language laboratory tailored for the learning of Arabic due to be opened in time for the next academic year.

There is a great precedent for current world figures being honoured in this way, with Robert Mugabe famously turning down an honourary degree from Bullingdon College, Oxford, in favour of a BTEC in food technology from Lichfield College.

A member of the SUSU clique told the Wessex Scene in an exclusive interview round the back of Manzils that the Union is outraged by this decision and plans to spend what remains of the Democracy and Creative Industries budget on a referendum, allowing students to decide if the Union should have an official stance on whether Donald Trump should receive an honourary doctorate.  The University has promised to disregard the referendum’s result, making the whole process a bit like a referendum on EU membership.

In order for Donald to receive his degree at graduation, Southampton Airport will need a runway expansion to cope with his private jumbo jet, Hair Force One, landing at the airport. Trumpmania has swept across the city in light of this announcement, with the head of Southampton City Council vowing to ‘Build a Wall’ along the M27 and make Portsmouth pay for it.

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Pause Editor 2015/6, 2nd year History student, maker of low-quality satire. When not writing for Pause, I also do a bit of Travel.

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