With an aim to help the less fortunate this Christmas, SUSU is running a Shoebox Appeal to help those impoverished this Christmas, like our Vice-Chancellor Christopher Snowden. For under £5, the Union Shop is providing a Sad Snowden Shoe-Box Start-up, including many goodies like a draft P45, a silver spoon and bottle of freshly chilled lecturer tears to really put a smile on his face this Christmas.
Whilst we are living a life of luxury with our ridiculously inflated maintenance loans, it can be hard to forget some people like Christopher struggling on the poverty line, with a £433k salary that barely covers living costs. There have even been sightings of him in the Portswood Sainsbury’s rather than the usual Waitrose, but these sources are yet to be confirmed.
One of Christopher’s closest confidantes, Geoffery Bakewell-Boris-Morris-Morrison, urges us students to be more down to earth:
We need to stop being so selfish with all these unreasonable demands like ‘educational rights’ and ‘being fair to long-running members of staff’ and think about who is really suffering here. Things are getting so bad, I think he’s becoming delusional – I spotted him chomping on an Asda frozen fish finger imagining it was caviar.
We reached out to Affluence Anonymous leader Glynis Breakwell for comment, but she was otherwise engaged with University of Bath students throwing rotten fruit at her on campus.
Shoeboxes must be donated to the top floor of the Union, but we have been advised to avoid any routes going through Bar 2 and 3 so that the Sabbs can actually access donations without breaching any bans.