SUSU Elections Candidate Detained for ‘Aggressive’ Campaigning


A student currently running in the Student Union Elections was detained yesterday by campus security after multiple reports were made of overly-assertive campaigning. Joe Bloggs, a candidate for the role of Vice President Vegans, was handing out flyers and answering questions on the redbrick, where it has been reported that he participated in a variety of antisocial behaviors. A victim of the Union hopeful’s rampage has come forward to talk about their experience.

“He was lurking around the side of the Union Shop near the bike sheds,” our source claims. “He jumped out at us from behind a bush, shoving his business cards into our hands and trying to pin badges of his face on our shirts. As we tried to escape he stuck one of his posters to my friend’s back with bluetack. We were all made to feel deeply-uncomfortable by the incident.”

Other eyewitness accounts state that Bloggs pounced on students as they walked through the concourse, tugging on their shirts and begging for their ‘sweet, sweet votes.’ After one of his posters – emblazoned with the tagline ‘SUSU didn’t die for this’ received a large backlash, Bloggs was forced to take it down. There was even an unconfirmed report that he burst into tears following a student’s declaration that they would not be voting for him.

After several students complained to the campus security team, Bloggs was confronted, where he attempted to fight with the guards and led to his detainment.

“We know how controversial these elections can be,” one of the arresting guards said. “We’re ready with our truncheons and tear gas grenades.”

We reached out to the Union’s Democracy team for a response, but they declined to comment.


Edge writer with an axe to grind on the student experience. Admirer of cute doggies.

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