I Wish This Was Satire: Justin Murphy, Former Southampton Lecturer (Part 1)

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Disclaimer: The views expressed within this article are entirely the author’s own and are not attributable to Wessex Scene as a whole. 

Cast your mind back to July 2018, to that brief trip to Portswood ALDI where you once saw a bearded man dressed in a fishing jacket and cheap-looking Einstein wig wandering about. He was carrying his phone with a selfie stick, and as you passed him in the aisle, you heard his American accent discuss – in all seriousness – why shopping at ALDI is ’emancipation and capital autonomisation.’ Glancing at his phone screen, you saw he was live streaming. But that voice, that accent. The confidence with which he rattled off political theory. Those glasses, that beard… that was no stranger.

That was the notorious political science lecturer Justin Murphy, who, in October 2018, became embroiled in a Twitter-based controversy that led to his suspension, and then resignation, from his position at the University of Southampton.

Since then, Murphy hasn’t returned to the local news. In fact, he now lives in New Mexico. I remember attending his lectures during first year and, despite not caring much for political data analysis, I thought he was engaging. He used Kendrick Lamar songs to teach. He told us the most effective and definitely legitimate ways to access sources for our assignments. He seemed like a cool guy.

Alas, he became bold and shared with the internet some of his more worrisome ideas. The tweets defending his use of the term ‘retard’ were the last most of us heard of him. Since leaving academia, he’s built up an internet audience that provides him with a wage and the freedom to blurt out whatever questionable assertions he desires – assertions that I am morbidly curious about. I’ve been following his Twitter and subscribed to his YouTube channel for the past year now, and if you’re looking for a man in a pub regaling us with stories of his teenage sexual experiences, then buddy, you’ve come to the right place.

Where has Justin been since resigning? What’s he been up to? Well, ladies and gents, welcome to the comprehensive list of Justin Murphy’s most problematic and entertaining remarks.

All of this is true, but boy, I wish this was satire.

1) If you’re pro-choice, you support necrophilia

Credit: @sexualjumanji, via Twitter

Although this gem was tweeted a few months before the controversy that led to his suspension, I simply couldn’t leave it out. In one of the first of his self-described ‘nuclear tweets’, Justin claims that if you are pro-choice in the abortion debate, then, logically, you should also be pro-necrophilia.

He followed this up a few hours later with an explanation (albeit a pretty wobbly one) about how being pro-choice means having authority over a ‘sack of human cells legally counted as not alive’. Thus, the logic goes, humans should have authority over dead bodies. I’m sure we can all see a few glaring issues with this, but I’d rather keep this lighthearted. Delving too deep could get a bit, uh, grisly.

Either way, this tweet implies that Justin is either pro-life or pro-necrophilia. We’re off to a good start.

2) Live streaming his stories of every sexual encounter he had as a teenager, in chronological order, sat in the Shooting Star pub on Bevois Valley Road

I was lucky (?) enough to catch this live, and boy was it an experience – my old lecturer, in the shadows at the back of the beer garden, rattling off tales of ‘make-out parties’ he attended when he was eleven (Americans, man) and everything else in the years that followed. You can watch the whole thing here if you’d like. There’s also an hour-long second part, if you’ve run out of podcasts to listen to.

There’s a particularly great moment 35 minutes and 14 seconds into the initial live stream, where a vocal fan posts a fairly gross comment in the chat. Justin responds by pausing, frowning a little, and replying sternly ‘keep your lewd comments to yourself, thank you.’ Justin, my man, I’ve just listened to over half an hour of you explaining how you tried to get into bed with various girls during your pubescent years, in excruciating detail – I don’t think you can play the moral arbiter here.

In the comments, one person wasted no time asking, ‘why?’. Justin sadly never responded, so our hero posted another comment on part 2 – ‘Is it uncool to ask “why” again?’. This time, Justin replied with ‘I find much intrinsic value in recollecting… and I believe that value and meaning hides throughout one’s life.’

Still no answer on why he had to publicly live stream it though.

3) ‘R*tard is progressive because it’s gender neutral’

This comment probably shouldn’t be entertained with any legitimate debate, so I’m just going to give that an uhhhh and move on.

4) Watch out Chance, Justin’s coming to take your spot

Justin confirmed his rap name as ‘Lil Jaybee’ back in October [Credit: @jmrphy, via Twitter]
Every few months or so, Justin tweets out a request to any producers in his following to sincerely ask if they’d work with him to create a track.

Justin confirmed his rap name as ‘Lil Jaybee’ back in October, donning the same outfit and wig as featured in the ALDI live stream, but now rocking sunglasses and face tattoos. He even claimed a producer called Yung Dionysus was working on his upcoming single, the name of which (found in the same tweet) is suitably annoying for lyrics written by Justin Murphy.

No song has ever been dropped by Lil Jaybee or Yung Dionysus, but don’t breathe a sigh of relief/disappointment just yet. A few days ago, Justin tweeted a fresh new request for a collab with a producer, this time expressing the desire to make a whole album. You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.

Our journey with Justin hasn’t ended yet, so check out part 2 of this article for his justification of why feminists should have been supportive of Jeffrey Epstein and other paedophiles. He’s also sunbathing naked, if that helps.

More articles in I Wish This Was Satire
  1. I Wish This Was Satire: Justin Murphy, Former Southampton Lecturer (Part 2)
  2. I Wish This Was Satire: Justin Murphy, Former Southampton Lecturer (Part 1)
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3rd year Modern History and Politics student and musician - because whose career could be more uncertain than a drummer with a humanities degree? Twitter: @MSGBurty

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