I Wish This Was Satire: Justin Murphy, Former Southampton Lecturer (Part 2)

Disclaimer: The views expressed within this article are entirely the author’s own and are not attributable to Wessex Scene as a whole.

Welcome back to I Wish This Was Satire: Justin Murphy, Former Southampton Lecturer, where we’re studying a comprehensive list of the most absurd, problematic and entertaining remarks the ex-lecturer has made since leaving his job at the University of Southampton. Buckle up, because the final three entries on this list are some of the most outlandish and concerning statements he’s ever come out with – and these only happened in the past two months.

5) Pro-sex-work feminists should support Jeffrey Epstein and other millionaire paedophiles

On the 16th July, Justin tweeted: ‘If you think sex work is politically honorable, you must think all these perv millionaires are great for helping so many 15-year-olds get started.’

He then doubled down on it, creating his most recent ‘nuclear tweet’: ‘Not even being provocative: If you think the family is a site of oppression & you think sex work is ethically defensible, then millionaires who pay 15-year-olds large sums for sex are legit liberators.’

Giving a tweet as stunningly senseless as this any semblance of thought would be a waste of time. Thankfully, the replies recognise this and do what Twitter does best in response to ridiculous hot takes such as this one:

I'm noticing the word "consent" doesn't appear anywhere in this tweet

— Jonathan Ehrich (@malcubed) July 17, 2019

[ has already dialed 9 and 1 ] go on

— Italian Amazon FC Ambassador Raprock Myboss 🥦 (@hieronymus_burp) July 17, 2019

pic.twitter.com/T2K5VC1BOP

— StanleyYelnats IV (@daoulruke) July 17, 2019

6) Justin justifies his Epstein tweet while sunbathing naked in his garden

A few weeks later, on the 7th August, Justin uploaded an eight-minute-long video to his YouTube channel defending his logic. Disregarding the problematic statements and dubious data for which he provides no sources, the man says he’s naked.  

He only shows his head and shoulders in the video, but make no mistake, we can take him at his word. It seems like he does this on the regular:

when ur takes are too hot for bourgeois normies, do something wholesome… go outside… catch up on some light summer reading pic.twitter.com/4rgellNz4V

— Justin Murphy (@jmrphy) July 17, 2019

Justin Murphy is many – many – things, but he is no liar.

7) The Catholic Church paedophilia scandals are fake news

According to his Twitter bio, Justin identifies as a ‘libertarian communist Catholic’. If you’re wondering how libertarian communism works considering those are two ideologies at literally opposite sides of the political spectrum, don’t worry, because everyone else thinks it’s nonsense as well. Fun fact, he also used to include ‘secular’ in that description, making him a libertarian communist secular Catholic, which is nonsense squared. Maybe he has actually gotten a little less insane in the past few months.

Justin has shared many theories about Catholicism on his Twitter and YouTube channel, but none have been as provocative and outright – you guessed it – ridiculous as this one:

Other reason why Catholic pedophilia scandal is Fake News: There are thousands of tiny, backwoods Protestant communities — essentially small cults — laden with sexual abuse. The Cath Church is essentially being stigmatized for its VIRTUE (having a Law at all, & keeping records).

— Justin Murphy (@jmrphy) July 18, 2019

That’s right – Justin Murphy, ex-lecturer on political science, used whataboutism to dub the Catholic Church’s paedophilia scandals as fake news.

Whataboutism is a logical fallacy that’s often used in online debates; it involves attempting to deflect an opponent’s argument by drawing attention to a similar, but largely unrelated example or event. In this case, the fallacy is used in Justin’s thoughts about the question, ‘what have you got to say about the Catholic paedophilia scandals?’, as he states we should instead be asking, ‘but what about backwoods Protestant communities?!’

Justin Murphy, the enigma

Justin Murphy is – and I say this in all honesty – the most fascinating person I’ve ever known of.

If it were any other randomer that tweeted a theory like his, I would write them off as a troll and ignore them. But there’s something different about Justin that I just can’t look away from.

It might simply be that his outlook on modern society is unlike anything I’ve heard before. He’s said that the reason he’s interested in such uncomfortable questions is that he believes ‘all currently existing institutions are total bullshit,’ and that we’re living through an ‘absolute collapse of meanings and values and tastes’. He also doesn’t pay attention to day-to-day world news because of this outlook, creating an extremely unique perspective on society. Whether this unique perspective is actually helpful or instead pretty damn problematic is a different question, one that I’ll let you conclude for yourself.

Justin’s definitely been keeping himself busy since resigning from the University. If you now share my grim curiosity about him, go ahead and follow his socials. Whether that’s because you’re ready to debate with his absurd hot takes, or if you’re simply concerned for his sanity, it’s a corner of the internet that you won’t find anywhere else.