I would like to preface that I am in no way qualified to diagnose or give true and tested advice on Seasonal Affective Disorder; however, I have my own experiences, which I, myself, am going to talk about, avoiding the clinical stuff.
This is written like a diary entry, and hopefully you can relate.
So, you’re depressed.
The sun rolls in at 4pm every day. You’ve spent the whole day in the library for the past 4 days and are starting to feel like Jacob Elordi’s character in Frankenstein. Caged, shackled, and bound to the floor of three of Hartley Library, with your friend yapping your ear off when really you should be working. You aren’t lonely, but you feel alone, tired, maybe you’re eating everything in sight, or… not enough at all – you’re FUELLED by RAGE (and maybe a boost energy drink or two).
What does not help?
After three weeks of chaos with a mix of loathing and learning, something I understood recently is that sadness and loneliness cannot be masked by mania and chaos.
It got so bad that I went to the student hub. Am I giving in to the feeling?
No, absolutely not. Genuinely, I thought my erratic decisions and emotional heaviness were me, when actually I can blame it on the fact that I might only touch grass on my five-minute walk home each night. It can’t be deeper than just bad weather, surely. Making light of this is difficult for me when some days feel both short but endless.
You have to sit with the feeling of tiredness; acceptance is the first stage of healing. Seasonal affective disorder will, in my opinion, never be cured unless you head to sunny Arizona, which gets the most sun in the world year-round. Yet again, I reckon I would face other problems if I moved there. I’ll always find something to complain about.
Because of my actions over the past few weeks trying to combat my seasonal depression, I’ve made things WORSE for myself! Can you believe it!
I have experienced what some might call a “crash out.” This is additional but not limited to seasonal emotional lows. I must preface I often blame lowness or anxiety on the winter season when there may be other extenuating factors.
For many, seasonal depression is the cherry on the cake made of toppling Jenga pieces. Think of a perfectly shaped memory foam mattress, except when you lie on it, it doesn’t stop you from sinking; you just keep going into a pit of foam closing above you. Dramatic, I know, but that’s how hard it can be for many to get out of bed in the morning or afternoon.
It changes year-to-year. This year, I can get out of bed, but everything around me seems to be in grey scale. This autumn, I’ve made a wonderful array of new friends in my last year of university. We do fun activities every week; they are what get me out of bed during the day when really all I want to do is either sleep or play the new season of Fortnite. The greyness gets brighter and darker depending on the day, but it doesn’t mean I can’t experience happiness; it’s just harder to.
So, is this my peace era?
Should life be at its most peaceful in the winter… surely? Is it the most wonderful time of year?
It’s not.
Not to wallow in self-pity, many have more pressing issues than feeling a little down in the winter, but it can send you spiralling. The greyness in your face from a lack of sun and the bags under your eyes from never feeling fully awake can leave you questioning your self-image and confidence in your appearance. What’s the point if I look like the ghost of Christmas past?
Can Garnier’s gradual tan cure my seasonal depression? Only if the stench of apricot can awake you out of a depressive slumber.
Who is going to love me if I look and feel like death? You feel unworthy and depressed, so what’s the point of doing your assignments? What’s the point of everything?
This feeling is temporary, but each year it returns and lasts so long it seems unending.
So, how do I try to break this cycle?
Honestly, just stop caring so much…
There are two ways to escape the seasonal slump.
As I do in this article, you have to laugh. Sometimes you must force yourself to act despite sadness. It feels impossible, but going through the motions can help you escape daily monotony. Recently, I felt so low that I made myself do my makeup and blast music. It made me feel better, even if just for a while. Live in your peace era, protect your peace, love yourself or at least try to, eat good food, drink water, bathe, walk, spend time with friends. For now, these activities may seem dull, but they keep you from bed-rotting all day as assignments pile up. The truth is, adulthood means you must care for and love yourself to function.
Secondly, talk, talk, talk.
Feel the emotions fully in an all consuming manner. Your friends aren’t therapists, nor am I, but they know you best. Tell them exactly how you feel. Shout if you need to. But then
MOVE ON,
Set little goals, get up before midday, plan your coffee date with yourself, and read a book (I hate reading, and even I’m doing this at the moment). Never feel ashamed of your feelings; they’re part who you are.
This article isn’t here to diagnose seasonal depression, but to create an honest conversation about shared experiences. As students, unpredictable timetables can affect our feelings. If your routine feels monotonous and you’re struggling, it may be time for a change. Change is the cure to seasonal lowness, something needs to change; whether its you or the weather there is only one you can control unless you like the rain, then maybe you can do a rain dance or something? Even then the sunshine wont change… but you can!
If you need any support from the student hub because of the issues raised please contact them via email of phone.
Email : studenthub@soton.ac.uk
Telephone: 02380599599
Mind Charity:
Call support line: 03001021234
Call Infoline: 03001233393
Samaritans helpline: 116 123
