Weird News Story of the Week: A Sticky Situation

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In desperate need of a break from studying? Has procrastination become your number one hobby? I’m sure that the answer is a resounding YES! In my weekly update, I will be offering the weird, wonderful and certainly wacky news from the world around us.

My previous instalment of ‘Weird News Story of the Week’ reported on a rather “alternative” way of reducing energy consumption and it seems that no matter where in the world, there will always be people acting against the grain.

Picture the scene:

Wife suspects husband of having an affair. Wife hires hitman to kill husband’s “bit on the side”. Hitman falls in love with said “bit on the side”. Unlikely lovebirds plan to run away and have a Happy Ever After.

I am sure you will agree that this sounds like something from a cheesy Hollywood flick, complete no doubt with tense pauses and smouldering looks into the camera. However, this is not a film plot…the action unfolded in a small area of Eastern Brazil when disgruntled housewife, Maria Nilza Simoes, hired hitman Carlos Roberto de Jesus to kill the woman she suspected of having an affair with her husband. A bit drastic, I know. But the events continued to get even more bizarre as de Jesus ‘saw the light’ when he laid eyes on his intended victim.

Instead of battering her with his machete, de Jesus told his victim about the original plot, they fell in love and set in motion a plan to run away together into the sunset. In order to placate Simoes, he mocked the below photo of his new lover, complete with plenty of tomato ketchup and a misplaced machete under her armpit.

Now, I am no expert in forensics (or blood splatters at that) but the tomato ketchup could have done with a bit more squirting over her neck/ face area. At the end of the day, if she was averse to getting a bit of sauce over her neck, that was the least of her worries.

The lovebirds never ended up riding into the sunset as disgruntled housewife Simoes spotted them kissing just three days after the victim was meant to have been killed. The hitman had to confess this far-fetched situation to the police after Simoes accused the pair of stealing money from her.

All three face charges: Simoes for threatening to kill, and the pair for extortion.

All in all, a failure of a plan, don’t you think?

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