You Students Are A Disgusting, Horny Rabble

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NOTE: This is not a Wessex Scene article. The Wessex Scene would almost certainly never stoop this low. Please ignore any sex issues we may have done in recent years.

Last week, a story that two people were caught “performing” sex acts in Southampton General Hospital made national news.

In an exciting new project, The Daily Wessex Sun‘s chief columnist, Bazza F, has given us kind permission to reproduce his article on the sex story. Bazza politely hopes that our readership will enjoy appreciating the challenges faced by him as he attempts to explore a serious social issue with all the subtlety and complexity of a true master of tabloid journalism.

EYE-CATCHING: If entirely irrelevant.

You Students Are A Disgusting, Horny Rabble

By Bazza F.

Sex, sex, sex. We all love sex. Frank Sinatra once sung the line “sex makes the world go round”. Well I think he did. If he didn’t someone must have sung it. And if no one ever sung it then they should have.

We all love sex. It’s what makes us go out on the pull, hoping we’ll score with someone sexy, and take them home for a night of sex, sex and more SEX.

In fact, most modern doctors believe that sex actually creates babies. So if that’s right, then sex created you!

Anyway, two Southampton University medical students were recently caught performing some sex acts on each other in the Education Building at Southampton General Hospital. No one is certain they were Southampton medical students, but I see no reason to check the facts. I reckon they were students. Students love sex.

The Daily Wessex Sun was outraged by the news, and decided to find out who these disgusting criminals were. But then Kev, our chief researcher, found half an uneaten kebab in the bin and realised Countdown was about to start, so he never got around to it.

These sex acts are vile sores on the face of our society. These sordid students committed a disgraceful sin which tore our communities apart, encouraged illegal immigration and probably somehow helped paedophiles and Muslims. Britain really is broken now that students are having full anal sex in the middle of a hospital. You couldn’t make it up.

I felt sick to my stomach when I was asked to write this article. I couldn’t believe that students these days were making hardcore pornographic films in the car-parks of hospitals.

It’s the nanny state gone mad. When I want to order a roast dinner in a nice British pub these days, I’m expected to call it a “traditional meat-based meal”. Meanwhile, students are being forced to perform sordid acts in the middle of maternity wards, just for the amusement of some sick professor. It’s mad but it’s true.

I don’t want British people to find themselves living in a country of hate and fear. That’s why I spend all my time persuading them to hate and fear everything.

It’s about time politicians faced the facts: ritualistic public orgies are happening around the country in hospitals, primary schools and cathedrals. Somebody should do something.

 

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