”YOUR CARD HAS BEEN DECLINED MADAM.”
We’ve all been there. The beeping sound of the ATM to tell us we have ‘insufficient funds’ for this action. The snobby lady behind the counter fakes sympathy as she loudly whispers that your card has been declined.
I was in Waitrose the other day and the woman asked me if I’d like any cash back, to which I beamed at her kind offer and nodded. ‘Just £10.’ I was not expecting her to turn around and tell me that I’d been refused. Wow! My bank refuses to give me a tenner?! That’s the lowest amount the ATM even allows you to choose. Bloody bank, I thought! I blame Bob Diamond; if he hadn’t stolen it all maybe I would have more. I contemplate for a minute, wondering if I should ask him for a loan, but decide he probably has enough on his plate.
Now it probably serves me right for shopping in waitrose. However, rather than meekly accept my card and scurry away, what do I do? I decide to loudly make up an elaborate tale about an imaginary step-dad, who is over-seas on a big business deal and therefore currently unable to transfer my money. The cashier actually looks mildly impressed: whether at my multi-millionaire step-dad or my audacity to bullshit was hard to tell. Nevertheless, I like to think I made an impression as I left with a wide smile and a bag of carrots that was my food for the next week!
I have learned two things from this experience.
Firstly: Always make a budget, and stick to it. £1.50 a triple is cheap but after 3 it is easy to forget your financial situation.
Second: Don’t shop in waitrose, and if you end up in there, learn to bullshit..FAST!