Only Fresher Who Cared About Elections Dies Of Exhaustion


Campus mourned the tragic death of first year student Sally Hawthorne last night after she passed away from a combination of extreme exhaustion and poster fumes.

Hawthorne expressed an interest in the current SUSU elections three days ago, with her friends claiming that she stated, “I guess I can see why they’re kinda important”. When candidates realised she was the one Fresher who wasn’t on a campaign team to actually care at all, she was inundated with people trying to convince her to vote for them.

“It was hell,” said one of her former housemates. “She didn’t sleep for 83 hours. Every five minutes there’d be someone else knocking on her door, putting up posters in her room, doing a lecture shout out to her bed. She kept trying to point out that they don’t even hold lectures in rooms, but they just wouldn’t listen.”

Hawthorne died in the middle of an ironic campaign Harlem Shake in her room in Glen Eyre, collapsing in the early hours of voting opening. One of the candidates for VP Welfare had this to say:

“It’s truly awful that this could happen to one of our students, it really is. But she voted before she died, right? That’s important too.”


Discussion18 Comments

  1. avatar

    Is this meant to be funny?


    i agree with you


    WTF is this article? Lately their are writing weird things like that…


    this is ridiculously inappropriate.

  2. avatar

    I think it’s irresponsible for is to appear like all the items of news in the ‘Elections’ section, without clearly being marked as Pause content.

    Not good Scene, not good at all.

    Alexander James Green

    I actually agree with that. Lumping together serious and satirical content isn’t particularly good.


    Clearly you don’t understand some of the uses of satire – it’s often used to make a point just like the more serious articles.

    It’s a student website, you cater to all audiences, you say ‘irresponsible’ and not ‘particularly good’, I say lighten up.

  3. avatar

    Hi suspicious reader, unless you’ve read our media rules for the elections which were run through both media and elections committee then I suggest you refrain from accusing a Wessex Scene writer from breaking rules. Thanks x

  4. avatar

    Stop trying to be the Soton Tab. You can’t because you’re controlled by the SUSU dictatorship.


    Just noticed:

    Soton Tab
    4,103 likes · 174 talking about this

    Wessex Scene
    1,266 likes · 129 talking about this


    Ellie Sellwood

    hi Btw, I appreciate that you might be trying to help us out here by pointing out our obvious inferiority in terms of Facebook likes. However, when you are the Editor of a uni publication then you can come and tell me exactly how you feel about what we do and how to increase our facebook likes. Until that day go back to comparing pages on facebook you’re obviously pretty good at it. Thanks Ellie (Editor)

    David Gilani

    The awkward moment when someone calls SUSU a dictatorship during elections week…

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