Campus mourned the tragic death of first year student Sally Hawthorne last night after she passed away from a combination of extreme exhaustion and poster fumes.
Hawthorne expressed an interest in the current SUSU elections three days ago, with her friends claiming that she stated, “I guess I can see why they’re kinda important”. When candidates realised she was the one Fresher who wasn’t on a campaign team to actually care at all, she was inundated with people trying to convince her to vote for them.
“It was hell,” said one of her former housemates. “She didn’t sleep for 83 hours. Every five minutes there’d be someone else knocking on her door, putting up posters in her room, doing a lecture shout out to her bed. She kept trying to point out that they don’t even hold lectures in rooms, but they just wouldn’t listen.”
Hawthorne died in the middle of an ironic campaign Harlem Shake in her room in Glen Eyre, collapsing in the early hours of voting opening. One of the candidates for VP Welfare had this to say:
“It’s truly awful that this could happen to one of our students, it really is. But she voted before she died, right? That’s important too.”