The 5 Kinds of Facebook Takeover That Refuse to Die


Since the dawn of Facebook, there have been Facebook takeovers. As with Spanish Riviera holiday resorts and English football shirts, you can’t have one without the other. The temptation when someone leaves their Facebook profile unattended is sometimes overwhelming, and the effects of a takeover can be devastating. Unfortunately, everything you could do to it has pretty much been done before. Who’d have thought the Internet was ruining originality?

"That meme was great. Time to pass it off as my own."
“That meme was great. Time to pass it off as my own.”

Facebook takeovers have gone the way of Lindsay Lohan: what was once fresh, endearing and interesting is now tired, abused and probably close to death. Here are some of the worst repeat offenders.

5.  The Gender Bender
You’re scrolling through your newsfeed, reading some inane statuses, maybe stalking the profile photos of someone hot you met once, briefly. Maybe you’re actually posing as over twelve fictional people to create an intricate web of lies. Who are we to judge?

Nah. It's a bit far-fetched really.
Nah. It’s a bit far-fetched really.

Suddenly, you’re snapped out of your creepy reverie by a strange sight. Facebook now thinks one of your best guy friends is now a woman, or vice versa. Obviously there are legitimate reasons this could have happened (say, if you were friends with the Wachowski siblings), but odds suggest it’s a takeover. This one is common since it’s easy to accomplish in a small time window, and can sometimes go unnoticed for weeks, or even months.

4. The ‘Come Dine With Me’
Very popular in recent years, this takeover usually involves a status along the lines of “Just been accepted onto Come Dine With Me!” and some comment on what they might cook. For those of you who are still afraid of talking moving picture boxes, Come Dine With Me is a show on Channel 4 where contestants have to cook for each other and make awkward conversation for money.

I feel really sorry for the people who genuinely get accepted on the show, because when the time comes for them to reveal it nobody’s going to give a crap. It’s the boy who cried wolf, but with tart tatins and hors d’oeuvres.

3. The ‘This Isn’t Google’
“Jamaican midget fights”. “Old people showering”. “Teen cheerleader practice”. Any of these bizarre statuses will undoubtedly soon be qualified with the statement that gives this takeover its name: “Wait, this isn’t Google”.

I’m actually a big fan of this one. It allows for some genuine creativity, and the best part is the fallout. Say the target has family on Facebook. This could lead to the best/most awkward parent talk ever given.

"Now son, if you want to look at Japanese grandmas getting intimate with crustaceans, your mother and I will try really hard to be ok with it."
“Now son, if you want to look at Japanese grandmas getting intimate with crustaceans, your mother and I will try really hard to be ok with it.”

2. The New Job
In university, this also takes the form of ‘The Masters Course’. A status about a job/placement that the target doesn’t have? Comedy gold! Especially in the current economic climate!

"Someone's capitalising on my crushing failure! Lol!"
“Someone’s capitalising on my crushing failure! Lol!”

This effort is also a guaranteed like-machine, so get ready to feel thoroughly inadequate as the most recognition you will ever get on Facebook is because of a lie. Unless you’re a girl who virtually gets her tits out in profile pictures, in which case all you need is an open profile, little dignity and the willingness to accept friend requests from the Middle East.

1. The Homosexual
The most common, least original, and least amusing of all the takeovers. The fallback option of every teenage boy in the history of Facebook. The “I’m gay.”

Was there ever a point? As well as being kinda offensive, has this fooled anybody? Has anyone in the history of the medium looked at this post from one of their friends and thought “Huh. Funny way of coming out, but hey, who am I to judge. More blunt than posting the entire discography of Celine Dion, but at least they’re honest.”


Editor and MA English student. Follow on Twitter @SamEverard1

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