UK Porn Filter Will Allow Sexy Photos of David Cameron

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The government filter set to restrict any pornography viewing in the United Kingdom according to an ‘opt-in’ system was today revealed to have one notable exception: candid photos of the Prime Minister, which will be released the same day as the filter’s inception.

A government aide announced that even if you don’t opt in to bypass the filter, you will still be able to access Cameron’s erotic nudes:

“The photos were taken by a professional, in a number of different fantasy scenarios. You get Mr Cameron at the hospital, at the mechanics, and waiting for a pizza delivery. My personal favourite features him lying naked on a bearskin rug in front of a roaring fire. They’re all really very tasteful, very classy. The PM felt the public shouldn’t be deprived of him in all his powerful, flabby glory, which is why we’re ignoring the filters we set up.”

The photos are intended to dissuade citizens from lifting the filter, with sources close to Cameron certain that the pictures are enough to put the majority off pornography forever. Early reports on the photos from government ministers have been largely positive: George Osborne had to take a lengthy cold shower after viewing the album, and was heard sobbing loudly in the cubicle for upwards of 40 minutes.

Any suggestions that the entire filter is a vanity project have been swiftly denied.

“We know what’s right for this country,” the aide continued. “The filter may a convoluted, reactionary way to combat illegal pornography, but we also know that what you all really want to see naked is a middle-aged white politician. Of course you can still opt in to see other content, but we’ll probably get rid of that option if this takes off.”

The Daily Mail readers who helped bring about the filter were said to be thrilled at the new decision, describing it as ‘the kind of porn they can relate to.” Vince Cable and William Hague are rumoured to be planning their own seductive shoot to fill market demand.

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Editor and MA English student. Follow on Twitter @SamEverard1

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