Vine, the video service linked to Twitter that plays your six-second videos on an endless loop, is becoming more popular by the day. Enjoyed by celebrities and the proletariat alike, the impact of the service is such that entire groups such as Facebook’s ‘Best Vines’ have been set up to help the whole world see these mini-masterpieces. ‘But wait!’ I hear you cry. ‘How do I get my Vine to be that famous?’ Slow down, intrepid Internet entrepreneur! Here are a few easy steps to getting your clip to the top:
- If you want to get on ‘Best Vines’, remember that stereotypes are great, but borderline racism is even better! If your Vine isn’t about the perceived, offensive differences between black and white people, you’re on the wrong track!
- Seen someone famous do a humdinger of a video? Snatch that idea up, son! If the public liked it the first time, they’ll like it even better when some guy in his parent’s basement remakes it.
- Start all your humorous comparisons with “bitches be like”. This lets everyone know how edgy and original you are.
- #Make sure #to hashtag #every other #word to reach the widest range of people. They might not be able to read your description at all, but they can assume they’ll like something in there.
- Replace anything genuinely witty with screaming or twerking.
- A pet is a walking, pooping, furry Vine goldmine. The Internet loves animals. You could film a cat coughing up hairballs for six seconds and it would go viral. Make it wear funny people clothes, throw it around, force it to dance: the possibilities are endless until it finally snaps and eats your face while you sleep.
Follow these steps and you’ll be a questionable Vine sensation in no time! Or, you know, have some talent. That works too.