Royal Baby Does Baby Things, Nation Baffled


A shocked UK public was left reeling in the wake of the first official photos of the royal baby, showing the child to be bald, unremarkable and sleepy.

The unveiling of Prince George was met with anger and confusion by those ‘expecting more’ than his lying there motionless and looking like a drowsy Ray Winstone.

“It doesn’t do anything!” said one citizen. “We wait for weeks, there’s endless, extensive press coverage, and then what? It rests and needs burping? Come on! We were promised better than this.”

Journalists covering the photographs were similarly sceptical. “I don’t know what to make of it. We covered this thing for ages, and it’s turned out to be just a baby. An ordinary baby. I mean, it doesn’t even do any tricks. I invaded a lot of privacy during this birth, and it feels like a bit of a letdown.”

To add insult to injury, the Daily Mail rightly pointed out that the image quality of the photos is just appalling. How is the public is supposed to look at these photos when they are ‘technically poor and lack the gravitas of previous official photographs’? Professional sources suggest that, in the right light, the baby would live to expectations.


Editor and MA English student. Follow on Twitter @SamEverard1

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