10 Promises You Will Not Keep This Year


Welcome to the new student year; brimming with expectation and a hopeful gleam in your eye- wait, is that a gleam or is it simply bloodshot? Let’s take a look at some of the promises that will most likely be broken within the first few weeks of the semester. Yes they are easy to keep and easily resolved, but everyone knows there are more fun things to be doing!

1) My room will not  experience another clothes avalanche, resulting in a permanent floordrobe and the possibility of finding a dead mouse three months later


2) Delete as appropriate: My monday/tuesday/friday/saturday will not consist of the following: Jesters/Sobar, followed by Chick-o-land, followed by safety bus/taxi/crawling home followed by mega hangover

9 o'clock lecture..... Why??!!
9 o’clock lecture….. Why??!!

3)  I will do my work before the nights it’s due in


4)  I will not procrastinate by any of the following:

– Memes- particularly of the sloth or pug variety, so last year.


-Getting through a whole TV series in an in proportionate amount of time- especially Breaking Bad.

-Constantly refreshing social media sites

-I can’t even remember what I did, at least it wasn’t my work though!


5) I will not spend more than my weekly food allowance at Roosters or Sprinkles

6) I will not do a walk of shame, particularly not after a fancy dress night

walk of shame

7) My food cupboard will consist of more than tins of beans, tinned pies, and a suspicious smell

Joseph Anderson's bare cupboards

8) I will not start any morning with the sentence “What happened last night”

9) I will not wait until I am down to my last pair of underwear before doing laundry.

What is this strange new contraption?
What is this strange new contraption?

10) I will not go into my overdraft until Christmas, at least… OK, Halloween…OK- oh, too late.


christmasIf you manage to keep any of these, give yourself a pat on the back and treat yourself  to a Jesticle… oh wait, OK watch TV… oh wait, well just sit silently nice and still for a while.


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