Reports of “zombie” sightings in the Glen Eyre area are on the rise and students are warned to take defensive precautions. The cannibalistic activity is said to have been caused by a virus strain, which infects students and causes them to crave the flesh of their fellow scholars.
The origins of the virus have since been discovered as scientists at the University of Southampton traced the strains back to the toilets in Jesters nightclub. Dr A. Pokalipse, a visiting lecturer working in the Biochemistry department, has confirmed that years of festering filth from students has begun to grow a hostile, primitive conscience.
“The virus is actually caused by the amalgamation of the bodily fluids, dead skin cells and vomit mutating over time and developing what we believe to be a reactive consciousness. However, the life form is interdependent and cannot function effectively by its own accord.”
For years, this secret has remained hidden under our very noses as the student antics within the nightclub continued to aid this being’s evolution. It was not until history student Jen Erik discovered the strange life form that the emergency quarantine team was dispatched. Since then, the main bulk has been removed and is undergoing vigorous testing and examination. Jen had this to say:
“I was in the double loo, finding somewhere vaguely clean to put my drink when I saw it. It was a disgusting mass of gunk, but it was breathing. It reeked, but I couldn’t tell if that was just the smell from the toilets.”
Since the discovery of the being, Jen has since been admitted to hospital following a violent reaction and more and more students have been reported to be suffering similar symptoms. The biomedical team has released a statement and is now warning of the dangerous effects of coming into contact with the being’s pathogens, now named Subject J.
Dr Pokalipse explains:
“Subject J is highly dangerous and highly contagious. It releases pathogens to infect humans to create a symbiotic relationship, using the infected as a host. Through this, Subject J can override the host’s consciousness, using its new mobility for its own bidding, producing the zombie like state. It craves the student flesh and bodily fluids that created it and will even slowly devour the host body to keep it satisfied. With Fresher Flu weakening the immunity of students, it is likely they are the most vulnerable for attack.”
Precautions have been put in place by SUSU and the University to keep students safe, but we have been informed that the scientists are afraid there may still be hosts and carriers out there, which today have been confirmed with the sightings to several dishevelled and blood soaked students hunting in Glen Eyre. Residents of Glen Eyre are advised to stay in their dorms and drink plenty of fluids.
As of yet, no cure has been found, but Raise and Give (RAG) are offering help to all those affected, even offering prizes to survivors. On the 30th October, they will be providing an opportunity for escape to 100 students between 2pm and 4:30pm. The plan is highly risky and they anticipate a potential for several casualties, but have asked us here at Pause to urge all those who want to survive, to seek them out.
More information about the event can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/events/215698738598745/?fref=ts
SUSUTV’s coverage can be seen here:
From all of us here at the Wessex Scene, it was nice knowing you.