10 Natural Cat-astrophes That Would Definitely Cancel Lectures


In preparation for the storm set to hit this evening, we here at Pause looked into the scenarios that would be far worse off for our sleepy city than a bit of harsh wind. Needless to say, we got a bit distracted.

A Sharknado

With the success of the Syfy channel’s film (which has managed to bag a sequel), there was no way we could forget it. Southampton has the perfect location for this to actually happen, if only reality didn’t get in the way. Imagine walking to lectures when a tornado of sharks appears up Church Lane. Thank goodness they fixed the hole in the gym.


Yes, this was a real movie.
Yes, this was a real movie.


What’s worse than freezing cold temperatures? How about a swarm of hungry lizards? They normally lie in the heat to keep warm, so with the icy chill of a blizzard, they would seek heat elsewhere; human body heat. Plus, they can run pretty fast.

These guys again!
These guys again!


The streets of Southampton fill with the giant wave of cows. A sea of black and white splodges crushing all in its path. The only safe place is the Maths building. Finally, all those stairs have a purpose!


A-roaring Borealis 

The Northern lights are beautiful, but what if they were full of lions and tigers and other ferocious felines? The magical sight would spell your death with the cascading of cheetahs. Now that’s a cat-astrophe.

No, not Mufasa!
No, not Mufasa!


You’re walking through the common at twilight. The sky is crystal clear and you can’t help but notice the wondrous blue moon. Then the ground opens up and shakes with the charge of a thousand tiny blue smurfs. Buildings collapse, cars are crushed all under the peril of Papa Smurf.

This picture just screams "Smurf you!"
This picture just screams “Smurf you!”


A crack in the earth from Avenue to the NOC, filled with rotting fish. If you don’t fall in, the smell will get you soon enough. You could end up literally sleeping with the fishes.

Holy Shrimp! This Scampi Happening
Holy Shrimp! This Scampi Happening


You’re in sprinkles, eating an tasty waffle, as sweet as it is overpriced, when suddenly, thousands upon thousands of alpacas begin tumbling down Shaftsbury Avenue. There is nothing you can do, but run and try and not get caught in the sea of hooves and spit.

The alpacas are coming.
The alpacas are coming.

Meat-eor Shower

Imagine sitting in Hartely Library, bored out of your brain by the massive book you’ll probably never need again, when you notice it’s raining burgers. Sounds great at first: free food for everyone, but what happens when it get heavier and the streets fill with ribs, sausages and steaks. Roofs start to collapse, people are crushed and the smell of rotting meat is enough to make you want to drown in pork loins.

Maybe they would cook as they fall.
Maybe they would cook as they fall.


Southampton’s reckoning! Devastating winds infused with the power of Titan can only mean one thing: we have his permission to die. With Bane involved (Strangely British or South American, the choice is yours), these winds are bound to be back breaking speeds.

"You don't fear death... You welcome it. Your punishment must be more severe."
“You don’t fear death… You welcome it. Your punishment must be more severe.”

and finally…


If there is a perfect way to go, this might just be it. The world is ending, life as we know it is over. Everyone is dying, civilisation is over and human decency and kindness is no more, but there’s pugs. We aren’t quite sure how the pugs would be able to do all that, but they are so ugly/cute, we’re sure we’d let them destroy everything.pug 1

But it's so cute!
But it’s so cute!

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