Australian Sharks Seek Asylum in Winchester Waters


In a desperate effort to escape Australian Premier’s giant barbed hook, a small shiver of three great white sharks arrived today on Park Avenue, the home of Winchester School of Art.

Local zoologists, the environment agency, and the UK Border Agency all arrived on the scene unsure as to who’s jurisdiction this incident fell under. Students of the Winchester School of Art have affectionately named the sharks Steve, Shrimp, and Barbie and have been pouring Foster’s in the water to help them feel at home. Some students have become so familiar, that two motion-graphics undergrads have been hospitalised after trying to re-create scenes from Spielberg’s 1975 film, JAWS.

1509761_10151837708160916_1688518121_n-1There’s been divided opinion in the local area, with both sides presenting convincing arguments regarding these recent developments in and around the mouth of the River Itchen.

“I honestly don’t hate asylum seekers but these sharks are cockroaches and they’re doing what cockroaches do because cockroaches can’t help what they do, they just do it, like cats miaow and dogs bark. I don’t have a problem with sharks in general, but you don’t want them swimming on your doorstep” – Local Sharkist.

Local pro-shark group M.U.F.F.S. (Mutual Understanding For Friendly Sharks) made the following statement today; “Sharks. Sharks are probably heroes. Just look at the things that they’ve done over the years. I mean, I don’t really know what they do, but the fact that they’re doing it, I respect that. Science has shown that sharks have bigger hearts than humans, so why not give them a cuddle instead of a cull.”

More details as they come.


Discussion4 Comments

  1. avatar

    Absolutely disgraceful. Soton need to get there act together – don’t our tuition fees cover the basic human right of not being attacked by sharks in uni?! WHAT ARE WE PAYING FOR!?!


    What the heck is Soton? But basic human right is not being attacked by sharks? Sharks kill on average 5-10 people a year, however humans kill around 100 million sharks a year. Sharks have also been on this planet for 450 million years that is 150 million years before dinosaurs. If you want to save life’s ban cars, ants, dogs, and mosquitos because all kill a lot of people than sharks. You really need to educate yourself on sharks so your not as fear full of something that you shouldn’t be.

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