A List of Things Tobias Ellwood MP Could Buy for £94,000


Tobias Ellwood is the Tory MP for Bournemouth East. He works in the Foreign Office and is a junior minister. On Friday, he wrote to the Commons’ expenses watchdog, claiming the much debated pay rise for MPs was desperately needed. He said: ‘I never expected to be watching the pennies at my age and yet this is what I now have to do.’  With said pay rise, Tobias Ellwood will be on £94,000 a year. £94,000 a year. £94,000 a year. £94,000 a year, though.

Now follows a list of things Tobias Ellwood could buy for £94,000:

427,000 pints of milk.

Two average flats in South Tyneside.

129 ounces of pure gold.

73 first edition Charizard Base Set Pokémon cards.

6,826 tiny novelty violins (Amazon).

Enough electricity to run the average British house for 81 years.

334 tickets to the World Cup Final.

7,121 rounds in the average Southampton pub.

Asda ready meals enough for a lifetime.

29 weeks in the best room at The Ritz.

Netflix and NOW TV for over 500 years.

20 kilograms of caviar.

A couple of 2016 F-type Jaguars.

554 metric tonnes of sugar.

Enough books to fill a large school library.

Most of a bottle of the most expensive wine ever.

82 of the most expensive cigars in the world.

The average weekly shop for a family of four, every week, for twenty one years.

On minimum wage, he’d have to work eight hours a day, five days a week, 52 weeks a year, for seven years, to make that much. I feel for you, Tobias. It must be hard to watch all 94 million of those pennies. It must be hard to be earning three and a half times the national average. Luckily, he’s bought himself 6,826 tiny violins. That way, he can play himself the saddest song ever. 6,826 times at once.


Freddie is a human from Planet Earth. He has the power to string words together so they mean things, and is excellent at presenting facts and figures in potentially misleading ways. Freddie was legitimately stunned to be shortlisted for the Guardian's Student Columnist of the Year in 2014 and thinks mistakes were probably made.

Discussion1 Comment

  1. avatar

    Tobias Ellwood, you do not deserve to be a representative of the electorate. You do not represent the people, make way for someone who would be proud to do the job.

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