Union Tries To Organise Student Piss-Up, Somehow Cocks It Up

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From the union that brought you failed rebrands and £22k referenda on library opening hours comes the annual celebrations and events for our finalists, who will in a few short months be opening their wings and flying off into the real world. At this time of year, the highlight event, known as the “Graduate’s Summer Brewery Drinks Event”, when graduates meet in a beer production facility and have a good old knees-up. Unfortunately, the Union has literally failed in organising a student piss up for the umpteenth year running.

 

The plan is now that the brewery will not actually be a brewery, but will be the union building you have been walking past nearly every day for three years. For the low price of £35, you will be allowed to enter this building, owned by the union, maybe get a welcome drink, and go to a disco probably DJed by some coke-addled 90s star doing it for the child support payments.

 

A Union Spokesman allegedly gave a statement to Pause’s boozing correspondent during a liquid lunch up the Mitre.

“Our organisation hasn’t quite reached the absolute pits yet, so we thought we would continue with the venerable tradition of Grad Ball being an expensive mess. The committee is made up by the finest teetotallers and law students Southampton had to offer, so when we offer these events to you, the students, you can be assured they’re the best”

 

The student body has, as traditional, got into a big huff on social media for a few hours until the next student night at some grotty Portswood club kicked off. A psychology student and aspiring reality TV airhead told Pause that she was actually in favour of the Grad Ball as it stood, because the high prices compared to what most universities offer keeps the ‘shitmunchers’ out and keeps the event nice and exclusive. Considering it will be on the Redbrick, anyway. Many other students, however, wonder why not just have it in Jesters and get Chicoland to do the catering for about 50p and a bout of salmonella poisoning each.

 

In a further development, Donald Trump has made his views known on this matter on twitter, wondering when a better Grad Ball will come.

 

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Pause Editor 2015-7, History student on Erasmus, maker of low-quality satire. When not writing for Pause, I dabble in Travel and Politics.

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