New plans have been revealed to allow the world to continue to ignore global warming and the ice glaciers melting, by turning the Earth into one giant aquarium.
Speaking at the annual conference of Climate Realists Against Proper Planning (CRAPP), world-leading oil barons Charles and Daniel Pot, commonly known as the Pot Brothers, were giddy with excitement when announcing the plan, which they call Operation Bikini Bottom.
This will see countries worldwide prepare their cities and buildings to survive underwater and is being hailed by commentators as a brilliant use of money and resources, as well as generally being ‘really cool’.
After the conference, Daniel Pot defended his brilliant plan to Wessex Scene, asking:
What’s a better monetary investment? Spending billions to fundamentally shift the world system to one of clean, renewable energy to prevent the world from being one giant aquarium, or actually living in one giant aquarium? Eh, eh?
The conference was met by protesters who, realising they were really boring, quickly called off all future demonstrations after they found out how much of a sick idea Operation Bikini Bottom is.
CRAPP released a statement saying that they were ‘thankful’ that people across the globe could now ‘go back to ignoring science in some peace and bloody quiet’.
Of course, some spoilsports still want to ruin the fun, arguing that the Pot Brothers, other leading industrialists and businesses should stop investing their billions into suctioning up oil and consider investing in clean energy, rather than a giant aquarium.
Rachel Rodgers, a leading environmentalist recognised across the world, said that there is always something that everyone can do to help the environment, rather than just waiting for the inevitable. ‘Everyone should do what they can, from the CEO of an oil company to the average worker commuting to work’.
Seemingly aware of the comments, Charles Pot argued that he always tries to help the environment as he ‘constantly refuses to use plastic straws to help those poor turtles’.