Summer is here and has been for a while now – this article is clearly overdue but never mind that – and that means it’s time for sun, sex and the sea, or sun, the occasional Becks and shifts lasting 9 ‘til 3 for the rest of us.
Whatever you’re doing – whether you’ve given up improving your fitness this summer, given up on your summer reading list or given up on the thought of ever returning to your home town after university – I’m sure you’re doing great.
But here are some essential things to be doing this summer before the sun disappears and we drag ourselves back to Southampton:
1. Constantly complain that ‘it’s too hot’
Ideally, do this every ten minutes or so – you just don’t know who needs reminding of the heat in their day to day life. Variations of the phrase could include describing the heat as ‘bloody boiling’, ‘absolutely roasting’ or using other forms of cooking techniques.
You get bonus points for saying this to someone working in customer service indoors, just to rub it in their face that they have to work during a heatwave.
Bear in mind that you can also use the phrase as a handy conversation starter with someone if you don’t know what to say. After all, talking about the weather has never been boring.
2. Accept you’re an adult and get a 9-5 job
This one is bound to make everyone jealous of you – why do nothing in the heat when you can flex those brain muscles of yours in your fancy internship or alternatively practice those burger-flipping skills in the same heat?
You also get the added benefit of being productive this summer, and what isn’t there to love about that?
Make sure to smile through the pain and tell everyone ‘yeah, but it’s money though!‘
3. Don’t make any plans with your friends
Go to the beach? Go camping? Go abroad? Not doing any of that is the best way to go and instead, it’s recommended that you just refer to suggestion 2, you lucky, lucky people!
4. Get severely sunburnt
You’re no longer a kid who is told to apply suntan lotion when out in the sun. You’re an adult. You make the decisions. Even if they are sometimes terrible decisions, like convincing yourself that you in fact don’t burn easily before burning extremely easily.
Your body is a canvas – what patterns can you create?
5. Completely ignore that this has anything to do with climate change
As we’re basking in the 178-year record heat, make sure to ignore that this will also probably be the coolest summer for the next 178 years.
This is doubly so if you’re reporting on the heatwave for The Sun – there’s no need to bring politics into everything after all.