Which Fresher Are You?


Southampton is swelling with freshers from all over the country and the world, and people who would have never associated with each other otherwise will do now. Students, freshers or not, may read this list thinking you can select the type of student you want to be this year, like the character selection screen on a video game. That’s not how this works. 

The Gap Yah Traveller

They’ve just returned from their gap year (pronounced gap yah the second they arrive at uni). Maybe they’ve helped some kids in a less well-off country or stroked a drugged-up tiger in Thailand –  either way, they’ve certainly had a life-changing experience and want everyone, and I mean everyone, to know it.

Favourite meals include avocado on toast and Thai curry, whilst they somehow manage to include chickpeas in basically every meal. If they’re not vegan, they’re probably a vegetarian, and they prefer to drink green tea.

Is either from Bristol, used to study in Bristol or wants to live in Bristol.

Studies Philosophy.

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The Overly Keen One

Whilst the Gap Yah Travellers chat about how they became a f***ing Buddhist monk in China before uni, the Overly Keen Ones can’t help but mention what they got in their A-Levels, even though we’re now all on the same level.

Hartley Library be damned – they’ve bought the entirety of their reading list and own enough books to fill their own library. When you’re preparing for your seminar the night before, considering just not going, or better yet, completely winging it, they’ll be working up a sweat because they’re only three weeks ahead, rather than four.

Cooks in bulk and freezes their meals or buys microwave meals because they never have time to cook each day.

Studies History or Physics.

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The Always Sleepy Student

Many freshers will think about how hard they’ll study, how many societies they’ll join and how ripped they’ll get at the gym. Not the Sleepy Student – you could say they’re the ultimate realist and a really down to earth person.

They’re already aware that their lectures are recorded, so are ready to go to approximately zero, even if they have hardly any. They’ll always be too tired to go out. Has a very impressive Netflix list and gets a headache if they stand up too quickly.

Their favourite meal is butter on toast because it’s quick and easy, saving time that could otherwise be spent in bed. Is unable to function without caffeine.

Studies History, Film or Law.

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The Society Juggler

Whilst you signed up to every society that you were too polite to say no to, these freshers actively searched for the stalls they had the vaguest interest in.

They’re destined to be the marvel of any university, as they seem to have time for approximately a hundred different societies, a sports team and gym training. Some breeds of the Society Juggler even have the ability to do all this whilst attending lectures and seminars as well. Unbelievable.

As they’ll never be at Halls, they eat whatever grub the campus has to offer. Exclusively wears university/society hoodies and jumpers.

Studies Music or English.

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The Professional Partygoer 

Lectures be damned, you only need 40% to pass the first year and these freshers already know it, and are ready to use this fact to their full advantage.

Whilst the Overly Keen One’s academic diary is scribbled with their day to day plans, the Partygoer will have their nightlife meticulously planned instead (Jesters Monday, Sobar Tuesday, Oceana Wednesday, etc.) –  except, they obviously don’t own a diary. They didn’t even bring a pen to uni.

Body count is their form of currency and when confronted by a hostile Professional Partygoer, it is advisable to simply confuse them with words unfamiliar to them, such as ‘Hartley’, ‘Turnitin’ and ‘Highfield’.

Primarily eats chicken nuggets, pizza and plain pasta (with some cheddar cheese if they’re feeling adventurous).

Studies Medicine or Business.

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The Legendary Mature Fresher

For whatever reason, these people didn’t go to university in their early twenties when most students do. Perhaps they now want to improve themselves for their young family, drastically change their career, or just learn new things in their retirement.

Definitely the rarest of all of the types of fresher. If they were a Pokemon, it would take a Master Ball to catch them and they shouldn’t be forgotten in this list by the damn Millennials.

Master chefs, coffee drinkers and always tired. Should not be confused with the Always Sleepy Student.

Studies whatever the f*** they want.

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