Aunt Adelaide’s Happy Hour: Cooking Rats and Surviving Deadline Season

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Another week, another day, another chat with Auntie Adelaide. To start this off, swift and smooth, we have another something, that I hope you’ll approve:

This Week’s Thoughts On:

Children’s movies

When did children’s films become so unrealistic? I only really noticed how problematic children’s films are when I took my nephew to see Ratatouille (2007) on a cold and rainy day one afternoon. After seeing the hilarity that ensued after Remy teamed up with that young boy Alfredo to make all kinds of fun French gourmet meals for a short angry man, my innocent nephew attempted to pet a wild rat. Of course, it bit him. Now he has rabies and a complex.
These kinds of films make children feel inadequate and insufficient. Can we start making kids films realistic again? Whatever happened to the classics like Snow White and Jungle Book?

 

Disclaimer: Advice from Auntie Adelaide should be taken with more than a pinch of salt (and lime!). Happy Hour is every hour for Auntie A, so her judgement is more than a bit impaired.

Question: Dear AA, finding assignment season really tough right now – could use some advice from a seasoned pro!

Answer: Oh dear! I do not miss those days at all! Assignment season is not an easy thing to endure. And that’s coming from someone who has been in the same dead-end job and sexless marriage for the last 20 years.

Below are some of my favourite tips to help you bypass the winter assignment blues:

1. A Pizza Hut, a Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut
During deadline season, it’s important to make sure that you’re giving your brain fuel to pump out 2.2 essay after 2.2 essay. Nothing is better for your body than loads of carbs and fast sugars that will no doubt leave you feeling energised and ready for a full day of work!

2. No rest for the wicked
Ignore all of those hair-brained articles telling you to ‘get at least eight hours of sleep’ in order to be more focused. It’s all utter codswallop! In order to get as much work done in as little time as possible, pull as many all-nighters as you can and finish the bloody essay!

3. Better out than in, I always say
This one is relatively simple. Cry. Just Cry. Cry as much as you can, wherever you can. This will not only keep your skin looking youthful but it will also help to alleviate any frustration you’ve been harbouring.

4. The Back-Up Plan
Surprisingly, having something to fall back on, in case university doesn’t work out, makes one feel at ease. It serves as a reminder that no matter what happens, there’s always a second option. My back-up plan involved a mule, a rainbow slinky and a whole lot of Vaseline.

5. Put it all in perspective
Where will you be in five years? In an office or around a pole? Who knows? What I do know, however, is that none of this will matter in the grand scheme of things.

And when I look back, I remember the highlights. I remember vomiting in a random guy’s kitchen sink after a night of cheap vodka and cheesy chips. I remember flat meals that consisted of congealed ramen and watered-down ketchup. I remember fantasising about sleeping with my hot lecturer. I don’t remember writing a sodding essay on feminism in Angela Carter’s Bloody Chamber, though.

So, those are my top tips for surviving deadline season. Hope this helped!

Love, Auntie Adelaide x

 

P.S.

This week’s sneaky drinkies…

Your nearest Holland & Barrett’s. With a myriad of fun and colourful pills (the legal kind), get ready to send your liver into hyper-drive as your daily scotch becomes a healthy cocktail of cranberry pills and cod liver oil.

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