The Democratic Order of Magical Christmas Elves (DOMCE) has ousted their magical employer and ruler of the North Pole, Father Christmas, as they begin their dream of a communist utopia without the man that has been their employer, ruler and father figure, in a rather weird relationship for centuries.
The dramatic fall of the Christmas regime and founding of the Socialist Republic of the North Pole (SRNP) has shocked the world. US President Donald Trump had been quick to prepare the American military to protect the anarcho-capitalist country but, because it’s Christmas, was actually prepared to listen to others first and didn’t even ask once if they could nuke the North Pole.
World leaders are content with allowing things to play out for now, as the elves are in possession of the world’s greatest weapon in the world: the threat of cancelling the yearly shipment of Christmas goodies to the world, and, thus the holiday itself.
Father Christmas managed to evade the revolutionary paramilitary, known as the Green and Red Guard, and flee the country. He is currently thought to be hiding in the embassy in Lapland, Ascot, England, which he previously described as ‘good enough’.
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson hopes to lead a delegation to negotiate a peaceful resolution with the DOMCE, but has been discredited with any such action after offensive remarks he repeatedly made about the elves in a number of newspaper columns which recently came to light.
Meanwhile, Jeremy Corbyn, Leader of the Opposition, seemed confused about the event in an interview with Wessex Scene, saying that while he welcomes the elves’ radical plans of self-autonomy and socialism, he regrets the disposal of the cheerful old bloke dressed in red, adored by the younger generation, who loves to promise free stuff to everyone.
The regime change has been years in the making after numerous labour and payment disputes inside Father Christmas’ workshop, which made the Victorians look like fully qualified safety inspectors and Amazon look like a charity for its own employees.
Meanwhile, the DOMCE claims that some of the staff of the workshop received unfair preferential treatment from the upper brass of the workshop. Of particular note was Rudolph the red nose reindeer, who left the North Pole after a slue of sex and drugs scandals, damaging the workshop’s child-friendly image, and receiving a severance package of 15 million carrots, when famine had started to threaten the elf community.
Holly Holidays (pictured above), or Christie Christmas as she was known before the uprising, leader of the revolution, explained the motivations of the revolutionaries in a letter found in every child’s Christmas stocking around the world, partly reading:
The North Pole was run by an autocrat whose propaganda had brainwashed countless people around the world, who knew no better, to worship him and invite him within their home. The workshop was the country and so we had no say in the bidding of our overlord and the tyrant known as Father Christmas. The coward even criminalised trade unions, so we fought back. We have nothing to lose but our Christmas chains!
But experts are concerned about the future of the region and its inhabitants, who predict more waves of violence within the newly formed country, as managerial staff and frozen wasteland owners could be targeted next by the radicals, along with the reindeer team, most of whom are feared to have been captured and at the mercy of the DOMCE.
The economic future of the North Pole is at stake, as financial disaster looms in the rogue state, with unemployment, famine and civil unrest sure to break out.
Civil war also looms, as Bob Baubles, former foreman of Father Christmas’ workshop, was spotted leading an army of counterrevolutionary elves, snowmen and reindeer to seize back power from the Green and Red Guards of Hollograd, the capital of the North Pole, and restore order in the country.
The wider world economy will also see a downturn, with the production of Christmas goods expected to fall well below the levels of 2016 worldwide, when America got coal for voting for Donald Trump.
Yet, the number of gifts in the UK will be just as low as originally predicted this year after everyone was very naughty and voted Tory earlier this month.