Between Christmas Day and January 5th people up and down the country, and indeed the world, will be celebrating Christmas. It’s a time that people spend with their families and their friends, and for our politicians it will be no different; so let’s take a look and see what the good and the great of the UK political scene will be doing over the Christmas period.
25th December: Christmas Day
Across the country people wake up bright and early to see if Father Christmas has left them any gifts; in 10 and 11 Downing Street it is no different. Behind the scenes, David Cameron and George Osborne had been arguing for months over who could win in a race down the road on a Hoverboard Scooter, and today they could finally test it. They had worn their wives down enough and they had given in, and the look on Cameron’s face was priceless; forget the election win, this was the highlight of 2015.
Across London Jeremy Corbyn takes a short trip to the allotment on his bike, before getting home in time to make a point of staring at a turned off television at 3pm instead of watching the Queen’s Christmas Address, before turning it back on at ten past to watch a repeat of a Wallace and Gromit special in ode to his former leader.
Somewhere deep in Kent, Nigel Farage is rather tipsy, whilst in Scotland Nicola Sturgeon tucks in to her Turkey counting down a week until the big one; Hogmanay. Tim Farron, on the other hand, decides to invite all of his MPs to Christmas dinner, only to remember it would be less of a party and more a gathering of slightly sad middle-aged men.
26th December: Boxing Day
The morning after the night before. Nick Clegg regrets his decision to spend Christmas day with Tim Farron and spends most of the day crying and apologising to anyone who will listen, whilst somewhere in a fancy house in a swanky part of London, Boris Johnson fails to remember what happened the previous night.
Up north, it was a pretty horrendous Christmas Day for the Milibands. Reflecting upon the events of the day before on the terraces of Leeds United, Ed Miliband continues to try prove to himself and the nation that he is a man of the people, forgetting that no one cares any more. It had turned sour over dinner with brother David, clearly the wounds of the election battle of 2010 hadn’t healed. David had said he would have won the General Election in May, prompting Ed to sulk and refusing to eat his turkey, and mother Miliband wasn’t happy in the slightest.
27th December: Trip To The Sales
Alex Salmond causes trouble in a Scottish shopping centre by using the heavy crowds to make an emotional appeal to the electorate asking them to vote ‘Yes’ in the upcoming referendum. Security take him away, remind him the referendum was a long time ago, and tell him to sober up.
Meanwhile in Westfield, London, Theresa May spots a photographer whilst trying to do some shopping the sales. She panics, and decides it’s best on this occasion to try and buy some trendy clothes to make her seem more electable. Three sparkly crop tops down she begins to regret that decision.
31st December: New Year’s Eve
Cameron is off to Jeremy Clarkson’s for a ‘mad one’, Corbyn decides to have a quieter evening in front of the fire reading a copy of a new book on how to try and overthrow capitalism without anyone noticing. Caroline Lucas is off to the annual Green Party.