Deciding to travel with someone can truly make or break a friendship – particularly when travelling for weeks or months at a time. You will inevitably find yourselves in stressful situations, disagreeing on certain decisions, often exhausted and hungry. So who, if anyone, do you want to be with throughout it all?
I like to think I’ve dabbled in all sorts of travel buddies – from close friends, to strangers, to family members, living out both dreams and nightmares. I’ve made best-friends-for-life, but I’ve also been away with people I’m yet to have spoken to post-trip…
So, to make this decision a little easier for you, here are some questions to ask yourself, when deciding if that trip you’re planning will indeed be the adventure of a lifetime, or if perhaps it’s better off being left as just a mere suggestion in the group chat.
Do you have the same budget?
Obviously problems will be caused if someone thinks this is a luxury holiday, and another is thinking this is some budget backpacking, so this is a really important aspect to have discussed, and to have made sure that everyone is on the same page, way before you start actually booking anything.
Equally as important are your priorities in how you’d like to spend your budget. This has caused problems for me in the past as I like for more budget to be spent on experiences and adventure, but I’m happy to eat bread and call it a meal or just cook up some pasta and tomato sauce in the hostel kitchen. As I’m aware (and I learnt the hard way), other people are real foodies – eating out and trying new places and cuisines is an important part of the experience. This once resulted in my friends happily eating steak, and me bitterly eating a jacket potato, after having been in the habit of splitting the bill equally and knowing this meal would be no different. It’s not just that the student loan life has made me a stingy person (although this would account for something), I would have happily spent the money had it to led to a beautiful view or a new experience, but a nice restaurant is not something I prioritise.
How does the person behave when stressed and exhausted, and does this match or clash with you?
No one will be non-stop happy and relaxed for weeks at a time, and in fact, I’d be suspicious of someone if they were. Travel is full of delays or rushes; sleep will be disturbed if you’re staying in hostels or taking night transport. When experiencing new things, and meeting new people, it’s likely that there might be times when you feel nervous or anxious. All sorts of feelings will arise, so do you know how your friend behaves in these scenarios?
You don’t want to find yourself in a situation where your friend’s reactions make you more stressed than the situation itself. Equally, you want to be able to feel like you are both in a safe space, where your feelings are recognised and understood by one another. If you already know that this could be a sore point in the relationship, it may be exacerbated by these intense situations, so it might be better in the long run to make the pessimistic decision and avoid travelling with one another.
Do you know how and when do give each other space? Are you comfortable in silence together?
As well as feeling these strong emotions, when with someone constantly, it’s natural to need some quiet time sometimes. A good question to ask yourself is whether you recognise when your friend needs some space, and vice versa. If not, do you think you could communicate this with your friend without it being a problem? There are definitely ways to navigate not being on the same page, without making it into a problem. Going for a little walk, or reading a book can both help to relax, and to signal to your travel buddy that you’d like to be alone for a little bit.
Like in any healthy relationship, communication is at the root of most of these potential problems, and the key to a happy, skipping off into the sunset, travel buddy dynamic. Talk with your friends about the things you are prepared, or not prepared, to do. Making an effort to check in with one another, and learning what is important to each other, is more important than ever when spending this much time together.
Do your daily routines sync up? Do you prefer to take advantage of early mornings, or enjoy the night life?
From experience, disagreeing on when to wake-up can cause more conflict that you’d expect – a problem that can be easily avoided by travelling with someone you know you’re on the same page with. As someone who likes to get up early to seize the day, I know I’ve been annoyed by people that take a long time to get up and get ready. Similarly, I know I’ve annoyed said people, who want a relaxed morning, by being agitated and stressed that we’re not making the most of the day.
Some incredibly energic travellers appear to able to do it all, but on a personal level, I can assure that that is not the case for me. If I’m getting up early the next day, I like to get an early night and try to be as well rested as possible.
You might be able to avoid this problem by doing separate things on occasion but then coming together to do activities when you both think it’s a reasonable time to be awake. However, this often isn’t the case, particularly if going on day trips, or hikes, when if you leave at different times, you simply won’t spend the day together. Sometimes you have to compromise, and sometimes some of you can march up the mountain as the sun peaks over the horizon, whilst the rest zip their tents back up and shut their eyes. Once again, this is fine, and a great outcome when you can all communicate and are comfortable with the situation… less so if you don’t reach an agreement. Communication really is the crux of it all.
Final Thoughts
By no means is any of this to say that when looking for your perfect travel buddy, that you want someone who is alike you in all ways. Travel can be such an eye-opening experience, and being able to see your friend’s different perspectives, as well as your own can be so valuable. Perhaps more importantly, having someone to push your boundaries and encourage you out of your comfort zone can lead to amazing experiences you wouldn’t have ordinarily put yourself up for. This year, for example, I learnt to the surf for the first time ever after going on a trip with some surfer friends – a skill I never would have learnt if I had decided that this difference in hobbies meant that we shouldn’t travel together.
Overall, if I haven’t drilled this message home hard enough yet – speak with your prospective travel buddies! Talk about how you imagine the trip going, the finances and the activities. Prepare for the worst, and if that doesn’t sound too bad, then book away.
Bon voyage!
